10 Minutes

I fall asleep on the sofa. It generally happens within 10 minutes of my sitting down, even if I don’t think I am tired. My friends laugh at me on Friday nights when they come over to visit because I sit in my comfy chair to chat with them, and 10 minutes later I am falling asleep while they are in mid sentence. They have all learned that I am not being rude… I am simply exhausted, and although I feel like I have a ton of energy and can easily stay up until midnight on THIS Friday night, inevitably when I sit down, the week catches up to me and the eyelids just decide to take over and close up shop for the night.

Most week nights, my kids are quietly playing in the house (or loudly arguing) and they will ask me if they can watch a movie. They should know by now that the answer is going to be “No TV during the week”. I am a firm believer that TV is a distraction and I would rather have them focusing on homework or other forms of play that require them to use their imagination. I find the “zombie box” to be a tool that only serves to make kids stupid, for lack of a better term. This week, however, the kids are being treated as my behaviorally challenged son is having a streak of excellent behavior and I want to reward him with an activity of his choice. The “zombie box” it is!!

I am the product of a split family – split by a divorce. My brother, sister and I grew up with my mom, although I don’t remember her being home very much, and when she was, it wasn’t pleasant between she and I. I don’t even think I remember a time before when I saw my parents together at the same time. It was always in passing. Dad worked nights and in the afternoon, was either sleeping in his chair after playing his trumpet and watching an episode of Star Trek (the original TV series – remember, this was the 70’s), or he was upstairs in the den listening to classical music doing whatever Dad’s did in their dens (men remain a mystery to me). By the ages of 12, 9 and 6 dinner was our responsibility (I was the middle of the three ages). I remember being able to cook a variety of things from meat loaf to sloppy Joes; macaroni and cheese (not the kind in the box – I don’t even think that had been invented yet) to mini pizzas.

In all honesty, my childhood is a blurred photo of memories that occasionally reveal a sharp picture of a single parent trying to raise three kids in the 70’s when there were no other single parents on our block. I can remember my mom falling asleep on the sofa nearly every night after trying to coax one of the three of us into rubbing lotion into her feet or giving her a back rub while she lay on her stomach on the living room floor. Now, over 30 years later, I find myself as the single parent, also the product of a divorce (although I am now a big statistic) falling asleep on the sofa or chair 10 minutes after sitting down.

It’s not my intention to fall asleep so quickly I just never realize how exhausted I am, even now after doing this for four years. My wonderful 7 and 5 year olds have boundless supplies of energy that I cannot seem to drain, even when I try. I am convinced that this is my ticket to millions if I can just figure out how to bottle it. I am sure it would do well in any store or on eBay. “Pure Energy for sale, buy it now while supplies last!!!” Supplies always last because there seems to be more where it came from.

Tonight was another perfect example of my kids outlasting me at the end of the day. As I said earlier, the “Zombie Box” was the choice of entertainment this evening. The kids really enjoy movies featuring dogs and tonight’s feature presentation in the Schlak home was Beethoven. They made sure to announce this to me early in the evening and then proceeded to remind me several times because, along with being tired, “Mom can’t remember anything”. Case in point….

I promised my son that I would go to the store today to purchase a new tube of Kidz toothpaste. We ran out of theirs on Friday and so they have been made to use mine. Obviously mine does not taste the same as theirs, and so they make sure to let me know how unhappy they are every time they need to brush their teeth. Because my oldest was home sick for two days I never made it to the store and told him I would take care of it today. Of course, in the rush of the day at work, I never did leave the office or go to the store. When he reminded me that I had promised to do it I politely apologized and simply said: “I am sorry. Mommy forgot,” to which he replied: “I will just write you a note so you don’t forget again tomorrow.” **sigh**

At this point in the evening I asked them “who was going to take care of Mommy tonight?” Yes, I admit it… I am now becoming like my mom, although for me it’s not the feet. For me, it’s the hair. I do love having my hair brushed, although I wouldn’t mind a good foot rub, to go along with it. “ME!!!” they both cried in delight. Oh yes!!!!! I live for these moments where they both want to help take care of Mommy. They are so few and far between! Tonight, it was my son who got the brush out and brushed my hair…. for about 30 seconds. Then, the two proceeded to fight over who was going to put all the clips in my hair. I did forget to mention that my youngest scratched my back for all of about 5 seconds. **sigh** We single moms will take what pampering we can get when ever we can from our kids. These moments are fleeting.

So, after “taking care” of Mommy, they started inquiring as to when the movie was going to start. We head to the front room and start our movie, all of us sitting on the sofa together, each with our own pillow. I am in the middle with a child on each side of me, all assigned seating, of course. Oh, not assigned by me. They have already determined who is sitting where for what I am pretty sure equates to eternity.

My son is to my right in one corner and my daughter to my left. I receive some hugs and kisses and lay down next to my son with my daughter carefully and meticulously placing her pillow over my feet and legs so that she can lean against them. She’s keeping my feet warm! It’s cuddle time while we allow our brains to go to mush for a bit watching this kid friendly movie. 10 minutes later, I am asleep. Okay, I am as asleep as I can be given every few minutes one or the other of them is laughing hysterically and asking: “Mommy, did you see what he just did?” in reference to the movie.

Who wouldn’t be nearly asleep? I am sure if you were up at 5:00am every morning, you would be tired, too. The thing is, if I am not out of the shower and mostly dressed before I wake the kids at 6:10am, then I might as well just go to work in my PJs, which is sounding pretty good right about now. There is inevitably the morning battle either with my five year old daughter who is upset about her clothing choices, or my seven year old son who simply doesn’t want to get dressed on his own. I have resorted to getting him dressed in the mornings myself, as I am resolved to keep my job and that is only going to happen if I am at work by 7:30am every morning, and THAT is only going to happen if I can get him dressed. We generally make it out the door by 7:00am for the two drop offs allowing me 20 minutes of peace before getting to the office at 7:35. **sigh** Okay, most mornings I do manage to get to the office at 7:32.

I actually see work as an opportunity for some down time. It’s not that my work is slow at all. It’s just that the tantrums grown-ups throw are some times a little easier to manage…. Weeeeelllll, okay, maybe that is a stretch.

At 4:30 it’s time to do the day-care dash back to the two locations I was at in the morning. I pick up Little Miss Chatter-Box first and get to listen to her stories about how so-and-so wouldn’t play with her today. Upon asking her if she actually asked so-and-so to play, she gets very quiet. That generally means “no”, which of course leads to the conversation about treating others properly and how you can’t expect people to be friendly to you if you aren’t friendly to them. Yes, do unto others, Sweetie. The pleasant conversation continues to the next pick-up point where I wait on pins and needles to find out if my first born had a good day or a not so good day. Of course, today, it was another good day which makes me very happy. We pile in the car and before I can even turn the ignition they are arguing over the way he looked at her, or because she is saying the same thing over and over again. “Calgon...!!!!!” I have to pleasantly (but not necessarily quietly) remind them that he had a good day and we don’t want to ruin it with fighting. And if that doesn’t work, there is always quiet time. Mommy LOVES quiet time. It works best in the car and I think it’s self-explanatory!

We arrive at the house and another argument breaks out over something about my daughter touching his backpack. I don’t remember except that it was pretty ridiculous! Another gentle reminder from Mom that we need to talk respectfully to one another and that if the back \pack was in the middle of the aisle in the car, then it was in her way and she had no choice but to touch it. Maybe there is a better place to put it next time. Inside, they start their activities and I start dinner. It’s a good night because they are sharing. This makes life so much easier.

After dinner, their baths, and Mommy getting pampered for 30 seconds, I am now sleeping on the sofa at 8:15 in the evening while my kids enjoy a movie with the proviso that at 9pm they have to go to bed whether the movie is over or not. 9pm rolls around and I give them another 15 minutes because I just don’t want to get up from the sofa where I am being cuddled by two incredibly sweet kids.

I have thought about my mom many evenings recently and believe I understand her in a very small way. She is not a woman who anyone can understand, however like all of us she wanted to be taken care of. God truly knows what we need, and tonight, I needed the cuddles and hugs and 30 seconds of being taken care of by my 7 and 5 year olds. Matthew 11:28 states: “Come to me, all you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” The idea of rest at times escapes me because everything is “go, go, go”, but God does want to provide that rest to me, even if it means I fall asleep on the sofa 10 minutes after sitting down. We need to be humble enough to tell Him we are tired so that he can lift us up and renew our strength. 1 Peter 5:6-7 says “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” Isaiah 40:31 states: "...but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

I am walking and I haven’t grown faint yet, even though I feel like it at times. My faith and strength come from my Father in Heaven who carries me through the trials and triumphs of being a single parent. Without Him, I could never do it. For as Phillipians 4:13 says: “I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”

Thanks for reading. More to come from this tired but thankful mom later.