On the Topic of Marriage

It does seem amazing that at the ages of 7 and 5 my kids would have any interest in marriage. I cannot explain where this interest comes from. Is it movies they watch? Friends they hear talking about it? I have no clue because I certainly don't sit around talking about marriage. I don't even talk to them about the idea of having a steady "boy-friend" (dating?), for lack of a better term. I don't date so the only men my kids ever see me interacting with are either family members, my friends' husbands when they come to visit us, or various brothers at church. How and where the topic of marriage entered their heads is a complete and total mystery to me. Of course, about half of the conversations my kids want to have with me remain a mystery as to how the topics got into their little heads to begin with.

Being 5, my daughter enjoys all the Disney movies that feature "Princess This or That" who, amazingly enough, always seems to be in a single parent family. I don't think that ever really sank in for me until just now as I am writing this and I haven't decided if that is a good thing for us single parents, or a bad one. Perhaps with a little more thought it can have a page all its own. At the moment, however, that is off topic. Have you ever noticed that "Princess This or That" is always trying to find a way to leave her current "reality show" and find her "Prince So and So" to run off an live "happily ever after" with? If I were to read in to that, I would think there was some kind of subliminal statement Disney was making however as you may know by now, I am a tired single mom and I don't have time to entertain that thought at the moment. So, now we have "Single-Parent King or Queen", "Princess This or That" and "Prince So-and-So" on the scene after an imaginary wedding that we never see, and my kids questioning me about whom they can marry.

It was one of those very innocent statements that you hear your child make that is completely off any topic you have been discussing as you are driving down the road. My daughter stated, rather matter of factly that she loved her brother and "When I grow up and become a Mommy I will marry you Stephen!" The Single-Parent Queen of this household quickly let her know that first of all, she needed to get married before she became a Mommy, and secondly she could not marry her own brother. "Why not, Mom?" (insert a bewildered look here) Isn't it amazing how a simple answer from a parent always results in another question from an inquisitive little mind? "Well, because he is your brother and you can't marry your brother." Lucky for me, she accepted the answer that time. She then told me she wanted to marry Daddy and her brother could marry me. Once again, I explained she could not marry Daddy because he was Daddy. I then proceeded to lay down the "marriage rules":

1) You can't marry your brother or Daddy (or sister or Mommy) because they are family;
2) You have to be married before you become a mommy or daddy;
3) You should marry someone who loves Jesus and treats you right; and
4) Make sure the person you marry is honest and does not tell lies.

Thank goodness neither one of them questioned me on what treating them right meant. I am sure in their mind it would be a person who bought them an ice cream cone and in that case, any of you reading this would be able to marry my kids if you met the qualifications as set forth above..

So, now that we have the "marriage rules" established there is a little quiet in the back of the car, I can see the wheels turning on my daughter's face. A minute goes by and she asks, "Mommy, does Randy know Jesus?" If she could see my face, she would see that I am rolling my eyes as Randy is an adult friend of mine from church who is already married and I know where the conversation is headed. "Honey, you can't marry Randy. Randy is already married. You can't marry someone who is already married." I know… more rules!!!! I didn't even approach the age difference at this time.

So, that is how we have established some rules around marriage in our home. The topic comes up from time to time as to whom they think they will marry. It generally comes up out of the blue. I find myself wondering if they do this on purpose trying to catch me off guard and see if I will lax on the rules because my daughter has commented on several ocassions since that she wants to marry Randy. Every time she does, I remind her that he is already married and you can't marry someone who is already married (Rule #5). Thankfully, Randy has backed me up on this and has had a discussion with her as well about how they can be friends, but she should marry someone her own age. HAHA

So, this brings us up to the most recent conversation on marriage which occurred this morning over breakfast. Out of the blue my son asks me, "Mommy, do Uncle Todd, Auntie and the cousins in Sacramento all know Jesus?" I am assuming his stating where they live was important because I MUST have another brother somewhere whom he has never met and therefore there would be other cousins he does not know. He needed to make sure I was aware of which set of cousins he was referring to so I did not confuse it with the cousins that don't exist. I replied to his question, "Yes, they do know Jesus." "Oh good, " he replies. Mommy, I want to marry my Melissa." If you haven't figured it out already, Meliss is his cousin.

I can see we need to add to the marriage rules again. Father in Heaven, help me!!!

"Train up a child in the way he should go and in the end he will not depart from it." - Proverbs 22:

"Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." - Ephesians 6:4