The Pop-Up Road Stand

Another Valentine’s Day has come and gone. I am sitting here in my comfy chair ignoring the blog post I started on December 31^st that I haven’t finished in order to write what is on my mind this evening (talk about procrastination).

I found myself chuckling as I drove to the gym this evening. There on the corner across the street from my gym was not one, but TWO pop-up road stands selling flowers and stuffed toys to those men who didn’t plan in advance. Sorry fellas but let’s face it, generally speaking it is not a woman who is last minute shopping on Valentine’s Day. Admittedly, I would probably be one of the few women in the world who would be shopping on Valentine’s Day in order to have a little something for that someone special however for the time being, we will set my short comings aside and deal with the topic that is really on my mind this evening!

Yes, I was chuckling, and sadly shaking my head from side to side as I watched the scene from my car while waiting for the light to turn green. At the stand were four or five men frantically picking out something which they clearly put no thought into, in order to stay out of the dog house (click)). Sadly, I feel strongly that the whole point of Valentine’s Day is lost not just on these men, but on the women for whom the thoughtless gifts are being purchased! Isn’t the whole point geared towards telling your someone special, “Hey, you’re someone special!!”?? I don’t know, perhaps my old-fashioned values are clouding my judgment here… or it’s just a lack of sleep given the hour I am sitting here writing this post.

My idea of a relationship is outdated by today’s standard, which probably explains one of the reasons why I have remained single for so long. In my mind, the man with whom I am in a relationship shouldn’t have to panic at the thought of bringing home a gift on one particular day of the year (although he should know how to hold a door open for me). Isn’t the whole point of being in a relationship with another person to be expressing your love, admiration, respect, joy, etc. of being with that person every day throughout the year? Would it not have more meaning if the person you are with surprised you with a little something (a card, flowers, dinner, etc.) on some random day during the year? This gesture would certainly be more heartfelt, which is exactly what I believe is the missing piece (or peace) in the average relationship today. We have gotten away from really caring about one another and it has become nothing more than a status to post on your FB page. In today’s day and age of social media and move, move move, the attitude is “just jump back into the saddle as fast as you can” at the end of any relationship, leaving fewer people truly emotionally healthy when they enter a relationship. The end result is that you and the person you are with are simply going through the motions because you just don’t want to be alone. Well listen up, I have a small secret to share with all of you …

From one tired single mom to those of you listening – being single is NOT a disease to abhor, but rather a lifestyle to embrace while you can!! In 1 Corinthians 7:32-35, Paul talks to the church about singleness vs. the married life and he states: “³² I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. ³³ But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— ³⁴ and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. ³⁵ I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.” Um, hello, are you listening?? If you are single, you have time to just rest in the comfort of the loving arms of your Father who created you! No man (or woman) is ever going to love you in the same way as your Father in Heaven does. And you want to know something else? God will never need to stand at the pop-up “Duh-I-didn’t-plan-ahead-for-V-DAY” stand to buy you flowers. He makes sure they come into bloom just for you every year.... Ladies, are YOU listening?? Singleness truly is a blessing to be grasped with joy. I mean, you don’t have anyone else’s things to pick up around the house. You don’t have to fight over the remote control, AND you only have to visit one family on the holidays!! WOW, what a blessing!!!

Jesus is God’s ultimate Valentine’s gift to you and is the perfect example of sacrificial love (i.e. dying to self). He gave up His life for those that he loved – that’s you and me, baby!! Ephesians 5:1-2 states ¹ “Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children ² and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” Ephesians goes on to state in vs. 25-33 ²⁵ “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her ²⁶ to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, ²⁷ and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. ²⁸ In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹ After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— ³⁰ for we are members of his body. ³¹ “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”³² This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. ³³ However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” In all honesty, singleness sounds like a lot less work!!

Let’s set aside the word “husband” and” wife” for a moment. The scripture still applies. In layman’s terms - treat each other the way you want to be treated (Um, “do unto others” sounds familiar, no?). Men, do you want her to respect you? Then act in a way deserving of respect. Ladies, do you want his love? Then behave in a loving and respectful way towards him. I believe that if people can grasp those two little concepts – love one another as Christ does us, and show each other respect – then perhaps the need to rush around at 5:03 pm on Valentine’s Day to stand in line at Walgreens, or the pop-up road stand, to buy some “I-didn’t-put-any-thought-into-this-gift” gift would no longer be necessary, and my hunch is more relationships would have a deeper connection.

By the way, I DID plan in advance for MY Valentines (my 9 year old son and my 6 year old daughter) and as a result received tons of hugs and kisses, as well as an evening free of any bickering. I gotta say, it was a great day!!

1 Corinthians 13:4-13 ^"4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

⁸ Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹ For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰ but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. ¹¹ When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. ¹² For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

¹³ And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

Nothing to offer except this mountain

I’m struggling with this post a bit because I have several heavy topics on my mind that are inter-related, and as you may know if you’ve read my previous posts, I don’t always do “heavy” well. My sarcasm and wit tend to overshadow leaving those around me with the impression that I am all funny. Well, do NOT let my “charm” deceive you (yes, I am charming, or at least I have moments of charm), I am far more serious than I let on. Sarcasm is simply a break from myself when I feel like “Geez, girl, can we just have a little humor today?” Sarcasm is something I revert to when I don’t want to weigh a conversation down with what I might really be thinking, or when I don’t have anything of importance to contribute (the latter happens more than you know!!). Of course, I am a woman so I am capable of thinking of hundreds of topics all at the same time while carrying on a conversation with you – the inanimate screen I am now typing on. (I didn’t mention that I am currently checking Facebook and paying attention to my cat while I write this post.) See what I mean?? I am a great multi-tasker (or was I just procrastinating again?)!! That, however is not what this post is about.

I am not “worth” much in worldly eyes. It’s true! I have nothing I can “offer” anyone around me. I have no wealth…. There is no 401k plan, no big savings account and no real estate to sell off. I don’t have expensive jewelry, cars, boats, or other recreational type vehicles (although I have a pretty incredible closet full of shoes and BOOTS!!!). I don’t even have a piggy bank in my house full of change I empty from my wallet every week. I live paycheck-to-paycheck and have no worldly wealth at all. In this way I truly have nothing I can offer anyone in this very materialistic “what can you give to me” society that we live in. In addition to having nothing, I am now challenged with making the nothing I have stretch even further, and I once again find myself questioning God why this is happening. I find myself telling him that I don’t see a way to make it work and yet His response to me is “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.” (Mark 10:27) He then reminds me that my worth is not in the things I have here on Earth, but in the treasures I store up in Heaven –

Matthew 6:19-21 ¹⁹ “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. ²⁰ But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. ²¹ For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

I have nothing of Earthly value to offer anyone, however I have been blessed with wisdom from God that is more valuable than all the gold one could store up in their safety deposit box. By caring for my children and teaching them to love others the way that God loves them, I am helping to build up my treasure in heaven while making Earth a nicer place to live. I have nothing of worldly value to offer those around me, but I make a pretty nice pot of spaghetti, have a peaceful home with which to entertain and allow people to unload their burdens in my living room while we raise the roof with prayer and worship to the Father who provides for our needs.

I will end with this… I was listening to a popular Marvin Gaye song this evening “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” (<----click for song) and it occurred to me how much this song is like a love song to (and from) God. There really is no mountain high enough or valley low enough to keep God from getting to me. I can call Him no matter where I am, no matter how far I travel. All I have to do is call on his name and he will be here for me. Now that is love - no earthly wealth needed!!!

Proverbs 3:5-6 ⁵Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
⁶ in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.

What can I possibly write about??

Ah, yes, the affliction of writer's block has struck me. It's not necessarily that I can't write as much as it is I can't get all the thoughts out into one clear and well written post that anyone might find worth the time to read (this is assuming, of course, that anything else I wrote might have been found interesting by anyone other than me). So, here I sit past 10 o'clock in the evening thinking that if I write about writer's block, perhaps it will help all those other thoughts swirling about in my head to collide together and create some kind of sense. So, this is my writer's block post, which may or may not be about writer's block at all. Readers, beware!!!

Side note for the male readers out there: it IS possible for the thoughts in a woman's mind to come out and make complete and total sense. God DID provide you with a companion's manual... it's called the Bible. My suggestion - read it!!

In offering some encouragement to a friend today I read through the first three chapters in the book of Ecclesiastes, speaking of that manual (okay, in keeping up with being ME, I just paused to read another 6 chapters of that book). Many of you may relate this book to the popular song "Turn, Turn, Turn" by the Byrds - "To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven." What caught my attention as I read today was how the writer is clearly at a pausing point in his life. He was at a point in his life where he was asking the big "Why" questions. Why do we work so hard? What is the point? He is struck by the fact that all the hard work and toil done by people is meaningless. "A chasing after the wind." The writer concludes that it is better for man to simply decide to be happy with his work. The writer finds that tranquility is so much better than to toil day after day, and that God can and will place that happiness in our hearts if we allow it.

Ecclesiastes 5:18-20 states, "¹⁸ This is what I have observed to be good: that it is appropriate for a person to eat, to drink and to find satisfaction in their toilsome labor under the sun during the few days of life God has given them—for this is their lot. ¹⁹ Moreover, when God gives someone wealth and possessions, and the ability to enjoy them, to accept their lot and be happy in their toil—this is a gift of God. ²⁰ They seldom reflect on the days of their life, because God keeps them occupied with gladness of heart."

Have we as a nation of believer's forgotten to sit back, be happy with the food and drink we are provided and simply enjoy life with gladness in our hearts? Do we even allow God the ability to place gladness in our hearts? I admit I am guilty of preventing the Father from placing gladness in my heart. "How?" you might ask. By simply not looking at the treasures He has placed before my very eyes. The treasures that are in my life every day, who may bicker and fight from time to time (okay, it's a lot more than that), but who can also look at me on a morning when I am feeling down and tell me that I am beautiful on the inside because she was just reading that in her Bible the other day. <3 That wisdom came from my 6-year old daughter and it really did come at a time when I was feeling the "toilsomeness" of life.

I am going to end this post here by simply asking you a question: Do you appreciate the work, food and rest God provides for you, or do you find it a burden? Do you allow God to place happiness in your heart? Perhaps it's time for you to TURN TURN TURN to God's word for the encouragement He gave me today.

Procrastination… I will just wait until later to write this blog!!!

I have put off writing this blog entry for so long that I feel the topic is far more appropriate than what I was originally planning on writing about. I guess I will write that one later. Now that I have carved a pumpkin, listened to some music on YouTube, played on FaceBook, sat in front of the fire for a while, started a load of laundry, meandered around the house for a bit, played a game with my daughter, messed around with the camera, and cleaned out the kitchen sink, I guess I will sit down here and write this.

I can say with all honesty that I was never a big procrastinator in my life BC (Note that AC/BC does not refer to some obscure rock band from the 70’s, but rather historic periods of my life entitled “after children” and “before children”). So, BC - a decade or so ago (not that I am trying to date myself), I did what I said I was going to do at exactly the time I said I was going to do it. Procrastinating was that thing that old, lazy and/or unreliable people did. It would really bug me if someone said they were going to do something and they didn’t get it done (okay, it still bugs me. What can I say?). I couldn’t understand what the big issue was. Why not just do it and get it over with? Now that I am in the period of AC and pretty much tired 110% of the time, I totally get it. God’s sense of humor is not lost on me as He has yet again served me with a dose of “humble pie”. He took the trait that bothers me so much and in His great and glorious sense of wisdom and humor, decided to pour it into me. We learn by what we live, right?

For MOST people, I think the issue of procrastination is not really unreliability, but rather just being tired and juggling too many plates, especially in today’s day and age. We all have so much going on that we pick and choose things that we have to do and everything else gets pushed off (ignored) until later. For some of us (yes, I am raising my hand), later never really comes. I am realizing more and more how often I procrastinate on things now that I have been a single mom for going into my 5th year. Having two kids in elementary school, I find that I am juggling even more than I was before between work, homework and church activities, and I find my level of personal procrastination growing more, and yes I get irritated with myself. Why the irritation? Because by procrastinating, I cause un-needed stress in an already stressed and hectic schedule. I get done only what I NEED to get done in my personal life, and everything else waits until the last minute. Don’t let appearances fool you one bit. If I look like I am all neat and generally prepared, you can be certain that there was panic either the day before or the hour before whatever the event is.

For example, why buy school supplies a month before school starts when I can stress myself out by having to shop the week before school starts? Have you ever been to the store the week before school starts? All those pen and pencil bins are empty! Don't the stores plan for people like me? What about last minute Christmas shopping… a WEEK before Christmas!!! Call me glutton for punishment. (Did I mention how much I hate shopping?) Here’s another perfect example of procrastination run amuck in my personal life. I invited a friend over for dinner a few Friday nights ago. I wanted to cook a nice dinner; something I don’t get to do very often on account of young, picky eaters in the home. Problem – Procrastination on checking for the proper ingredients. I knew what I wanted to make, I just failed to make sure I had all the ingredients until an hour before my friend was scheduled to arrive. Alas, I did not get to cook the item I wanted to make and wound up with something store bought and tasteless. **sigh** Self-inflicted stress and disappointment (and a tummy ache later, too!)!! And let's not even get started on the condition of my house. It was "lived in" before, but sometimes now I wonder if I am not trying to create my own "creature feature". Oh, wait, that wasn't something growing on my bathroom floor, it was actually the cat. **shew** I did, however, just stop writing this blog and reorganize part of a closet. I am not sure if that should be counted as a negative - procrastinating the completion of this blog; or a positive – organizing something that should have been done a year ago (which of course is also procrastination because I should have done it a year ago!!! **sigh**). Is this really how God wants us to live?

God wants us to honor our commitments and to be responsible for the promises we make, not just to those around us and at work, but I believe to ourselves as well. His word states clearly in Matthew 5:33-37, “33"Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not break your oath, but keep the oaths you have made to the Lord.' 34But I tell you, Do not swear at all: either by heaven, for it is God's throne; 35or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. 36And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. 37Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.”

This verse in scripture is very clear “Let your yes be yes and your no be no.” We need to strive to live up to the commitments we make to one another and to ourselves in order to comply with God’s word, not only to those around us, but to ourselves as well. By doing so, we leave a more positive impression on our neighbors and we gain a level of self-respect we didn’t have before.

I know that I am not yet where I need to be on this topic, but God hasn’t given up on me. When I am done writing this blog entry, I am going to procrastinate on folding the laundry and get ready for bed. In fact, I already know that the load of laundry will sit in the basket for several days before it gets put away, but I did dust off my desk yesterday, so it’s a fair trade off and is progress in the right direction.  Besides, God loves me even when I am putting off doing today what I can always do tomorrow (or next week).

Psalm 36:7: “7How priceless is your unfailing love! Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings.”

Remembering My Dad

This post isn't about my own parenting nor is it about being tired at all. This one is about my dad who passed away 11 years ago this month.

It was 1998 and it was one of those phone calls you never want to get from your parent. "If anything happens to me, I want cremation." My head was buzzing as I was thinking to myself, "WHAT???? Where did this come from?" So, I asked my dad to jump back a few steps and asked what was going on. At that point, he'd been urinating blood for a month and had not been to see the doctor, nor had he mentioned it to my step mom. My dad loved his wife very much and didn't want her worrying. I explained that he needed to let her know what was going on and he needed to get in to see a doctor. He said he understood, but what was very important was that he wanted me to understand that he wanted cremation if anything happened to him.

I am convinced that people, much like animals, know when their time is nearing the end. Perhaps its how your body feels to you. For a believer in Christ, it could be that there is an overwhelming presence of a mass of angels surrounding you every day, and they increase in number as your end date draws near, or an overwhelming sense of peace - knowing you are going Home. I know this, my dad was keenly aware during this phone conversation that his life as I knew it was coming to an end, and he was determined to make sure that at least one of his children knew how he wanted things to move forward after he was gone.

The final diagnosis was stage 4 cancer and he was given a year to live. My dad, in his infinite wisdom, decided he was going to continue living his life to the fullest and enjoy every moment he had left. We already knew that there was nothing that could be done to save him and instead, through hospice care, he was treated to stay comfortable. I know because I was one of the two people assisting him in his last days and was blessed to be there the morning he took his last breath.

I can tell you with all certainty the Jesus saw my dad into heaven on that Sunday morning in May. The morning started like most of the rest of the week had, with Norma and me taking turns watching him and giving him morphine shots for comfort as needed. Hospice care had been to the house on Friday and after looking my father over, suggested that we each say our good-byes as they expected Friday would be the day he would depart. I am not sure I can describe what it is like to sit in front of your parent who is sick with cancer and emaciated to the point that you no longer recognize them, and tell them it is okay to go. I am not sure I can explain the difficulty with which you fight to hold back tears of sadness while trying to encouragingly say "Go, be with Jesus," however I somehow managed to say those very things to this man, my father, whom I truly respected, although not given many reasons to.

In his former life, he was not the world's best father to us (he simply was never there - or was drunk and sleeping when he was), or husband to my mom, whom he eventually left to marry a woman he knew from high school. Now in my 40's, I want to say I understand it more, although it would be a lie. What I do understand about it is that my parents were not in love with one another when they married, nor did they understand what the commitment of "Until death do us part" meant. To say they should never have been together would somehow be saying that my brother, sister and I should not have been born. God has His reasons for everything, and had my mom and dad not married, the three of us would not be here, nor would any of our children, and I know for a fact that there are reasons each of us are here. What I can tell you is that my dad had incredible wisdom (wisdom through failure is still wisdom), and while I didn't know him growing up, I learned to listen to him as a young adult, and he was always the one I went to for advice. I can tell you that my dad was a man who felt deep regrets over his past mistakes which resulted in a penned letter to my mother.

Not long after receiving his diagnosis of terminal cancer, he gave his life back to Christ, and followed him faithfully into Heaven. I believe that were it not for his faith and rededication to the Lord, admitting his failures would never have happened, and seeking forgiveness would have been the last thing on his mind. Matthew 6:14 states "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you." And so by writing this letter to my mom, he was doing what he knew to be right in the eyes of God. He was seeking forgiveness from one of the people he had hurt. Within this letter was a heartfelt, and God lead apology for every misfortune he ever brought upon her life - for not being a good husband, father, provider, etc. Within this letter he sought forgiveness for his past wrongs. Forgiveness is the glue that holds us together in the family of God - not just seeking it, but giving it as well. I cannot imagine it was easy for him to put all of that into a letter he would not just write and throw away, but that he would write and send to the woman he had so wronged. The woman who bore the burden of raising three kids alone during a time when single parenting was not as widely spread as it is today. I have so much respect for my father for listening to God's word

My father was an incredible trumpet player and had cut two albums in his life that were distributed mostly amongst family and friends. We thought he would like to pass into Heaven listening to his music, so in the background was the sound of my father's horn playing - sounds of my youth circling around me. It was hard to look at this figure lying in the bed and remember the handsome 6'3 man that I knew as my father. I barely recognized the figure lying under the bed sheet as I held his hand which felt like skeleton under feather like skin, and I found myself at a loss for words. I do remember telling him that Jesus was waiting for him and that it was okay for him to leave. I reassured him that I would see him again one day and that was about all I was able to say. I sat holding his hand for many minutes telling myself I would not cry in front of him. When I was done, I left the room allowing my step-mom to enter and say her good-byes as I retreated to the guest room to silently cry on my own.

Friday crawled by slowly with us administering morphine shots every 3 hours or so and with members of his church there to help support us through prayer and genuine Christ-like love. Dad's skin was grey and his breathing was labored, however for some reason he continued to remain with us. His color was better on Saturday as we began another day of watching and waiting for the inevitable to come that again managed to escape for another day. That Sunday morning I could see that the stress of caring for the man she loved was wearing on Norma and so I suggested she leave the house for a little while. If nothing else, I felt she needed some fresh air. She did not want to be away from him, but admitted she had not been to the post office in a while and decided she would just run up to check the mail. To this day I am amazed at the way God works in our lives and that he truly knows what we need and when we need it.

Norma returned from the post office with an excitement in her I had not seen all week. Unbeknownst to her, six weeks earlier my father had ordered a CD through the mail - Jackie Gleason's Songs for Lovers - and it happened to arrive that morning in the mail. She and my father loved Jackie Gleason's music. She put the CD on and sat next to my dad and held his hand. She sat quietly looking at him stroking his hair in a very loving way and I truly felt like perhaps I should give her some privacy to pour her love and affection on my father. I stepped out of the room for what I believe was only a few short minutes and she called me back in stating that it looked as if he needed another shot of morphine. As I quickly began filling the syringe, my dad took his last breath and very peacefully left the room. The presence of Christ was so heavy in the room you could smell his sweetness.

As Norma and I sat and cried together for many minutes, she told me that she had not said good-bye to him on Friday. She told me she just could not do it. She didn't want to say good-bye. My father loved her very much and when he learned of his terminal illness, all he worried about was his wife and would she be okay. Who would take care of her? He needed to know that she was going to be okay and he needed to hear it from her. That morning when I left the room, she said she held his hand and told him it was okay for him to leave. She told him that she would be okay and that if he wanted to go and be with the Lord, to please not worry about her and to go. She told him she loved him and she kissed his face. She told me he squeezed her hand, and it was within minutes that he took his last breath and was gone from this world.

As I recall the memory of that day with tears in my eyes yet again, I am filled with a peace that I can say with all confidence comes from the knowledge that my father is in Heaven with Jesus. Christ was in the room the day my father passed away and He was there to take him home where I will see him again one day.

John 14:1-3 says "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am."

On the Topic of Marriage

It does seem amazing that at the ages of 7 and 5 my kids would have any interest in marriage. I cannot explain where this interest comes from. Is it movies they watch? Friends they hear talking about it? I have no clue because I certainly don't sit around talking about marriage. I don't even talk to them about the idea of having a steady "boy-friend" (dating?), for lack of a better term. I don't date so the only men my kids ever see me interacting with are either family members, my friends' husbands when they come to visit us, or various brothers at church. How and where the topic of marriage entered their heads is a complete and total mystery to me. Of course, about half of the conversations my kids want to have with me remain a mystery as to how the topics got into their little heads to begin with.

Being 5, my daughter enjoys all the Disney movies that feature "Princess This or That" who, amazingly enough, always seems to be in a single parent family. I don't think that ever really sank in for me until just now as I am writing this and I haven't decided if that is a good thing for us single parents, or a bad one. Perhaps with a little more thought it can have a page all its own. At the moment, however, that is off topic. Have you ever noticed that "Princess This or That" is always trying to find a way to leave her current "reality show" and find her "Prince So and So" to run off an live "happily ever after" with? If I were to read in to that, I would think there was some kind of subliminal statement Disney was making however as you may know by now, I am a tired single mom and I don't have time to entertain that thought at the moment. So, now we have "Single-Parent King or Queen", "Princess This or That" and "Prince So-and-So" on the scene after an imaginary wedding that we never see, and my kids questioning me about whom they can marry.

It was one of those very innocent statements that you hear your child make that is completely off any topic you have been discussing as you are driving down the road. My daughter stated, rather matter of factly that she loved her brother and "When I grow up and become a Mommy I will marry you Stephen!" The Single-Parent Queen of this household quickly let her know that first of all, she needed to get married before she became a Mommy, and secondly she could not marry her own brother. "Why not, Mom?" (insert a bewildered look here) Isn't it amazing how a simple answer from a parent always results in another question from an inquisitive little mind? "Well, because he is your brother and you can't marry your brother." Lucky for me, she accepted the answer that time. She then told me she wanted to marry Daddy and her brother could marry me. Once again, I explained she could not marry Daddy because he was Daddy. I then proceeded to lay down the "marriage rules":

1) You can't marry your brother or Daddy (or sister or Mommy) because they are family;
2) You have to be married before you become a mommy or daddy;
3) You should marry someone who loves Jesus and treats you right; and
4) Make sure the person you marry is honest and does not tell lies.

Thank goodness neither one of them questioned me on what treating them right meant. I am sure in their mind it would be a person who bought them an ice cream cone and in that case, any of you reading this would be able to marry my kids if you met the qualifications as set forth above..

So, now that we have the "marriage rules" established there is a little quiet in the back of the car, I can see the wheels turning on my daughter's face. A minute goes by and she asks, "Mommy, does Randy know Jesus?" If she could see my face, she would see that I am rolling my eyes as Randy is an adult friend of mine from church who is already married and I know where the conversation is headed. "Honey, you can't marry Randy. Randy is already married. You can't marry someone who is already married." I know… more rules!!!! I didn't even approach the age difference at this time.

So, that is how we have established some rules around marriage in our home. The topic comes up from time to time as to whom they think they will marry. It generally comes up out of the blue. I find myself wondering if they do this on purpose trying to catch me off guard and see if I will lax on the rules because my daughter has commented on several ocassions since that she wants to marry Randy. Every time she does, I remind her that he is already married and you can't marry someone who is already married (Rule #5). Thankfully, Randy has backed me up on this and has had a discussion with her as well about how they can be friends, but she should marry someone her own age. HAHA

So, this brings us up to the most recent conversation on marriage which occurred this morning over breakfast. Out of the blue my son asks me, "Mommy, do Uncle Todd, Auntie and the cousins in Sacramento all know Jesus?" I am assuming his stating where they live was important because I MUST have another brother somewhere whom he has never met and therefore there would be other cousins he does not know. He needed to make sure I was aware of which set of cousins he was referring to so I did not confuse it with the cousins that don't exist. I replied to his question, "Yes, they do know Jesus." "Oh good, " he replies. Mommy, I want to marry my Melissa." If you haven't figured it out already, Meliss is his cousin.

I can see we need to add to the marriage rules again. Father in Heaven, help me!!!

"Train up a child in the way he should go and in the end he will not depart from it." - Proverbs 22:

"Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." - Ephesians 6:4

10 Minutes

I fall asleep on the sofa. It generally happens within 10 minutes of my sitting down, even if I don’t think I am tired. My friends laugh at me on Friday nights when they come over to visit because I sit in my comfy chair to chat with them, and 10 minutes later I am falling asleep while they are in mid sentence. They have all learned that I am not being rude… I am simply exhausted, and although I feel like I have a ton of energy and can easily stay up until midnight on THIS Friday night, inevitably when I sit down, the week catches up to me and the eyelids just decide to take over and close up shop for the night.

Most week nights, my kids are quietly playing in the house (or loudly arguing) and they will ask me if they can watch a movie. They should know by now that the answer is going to be “No TV during the week”. I am a firm believer that TV is a distraction and I would rather have them focusing on homework or other forms of play that require them to use their imagination. I find the “zombie box” to be a tool that only serves to make kids stupid, for lack of a better term. This week, however, the kids are being treated as my behaviorally challenged son is having a streak of excellent behavior and I want to reward him with an activity of his choice. The “zombie box” it is!!

I am the product of a split family – split by a divorce. My brother, sister and I grew up with my mom, although I don’t remember her being home very much, and when she was, it wasn’t pleasant between she and I. I don’t even think I remember a time before when I saw my parents together at the same time. It was always in passing. Dad worked nights and in the afternoon, was either sleeping in his chair after playing his trumpet and watching an episode of Star Trek (the original TV series – remember, this was the 70’s), or he was upstairs in the den listening to classical music doing whatever Dad’s did in their dens (men remain a mystery to me). By the ages of 12, 9 and 6 dinner was our responsibility (I was the middle of the three ages). I remember being able to cook a variety of things from meat loaf to sloppy Joes; macaroni and cheese (not the kind in the box – I don’t even think that had been invented yet) to mini pizzas.

In all honesty, my childhood is a blurred photo of memories that occasionally reveal a sharp picture of a single parent trying to raise three kids in the 70’s when there were no other single parents on our block. I can remember my mom falling asleep on the sofa nearly every night after trying to coax one of the three of us into rubbing lotion into her feet or giving her a back rub while she lay on her stomach on the living room floor. Now, over 30 years later, I find myself as the single parent, also the product of a divorce (although I am now a big statistic) falling asleep on the sofa or chair 10 minutes after sitting down.

It’s not my intention to fall asleep so quickly I just never realize how exhausted I am, even now after doing this for four years. My wonderful 7 and 5 year olds have boundless supplies of energy that I cannot seem to drain, even when I try. I am convinced that this is my ticket to millions if I can just figure out how to bottle it. I am sure it would do well in any store or on eBay. “Pure Energy for sale, buy it now while supplies last!!!” Supplies always last because there seems to be more where it came from.

Tonight was another perfect example of my kids outlasting me at the end of the day. As I said earlier, the “Zombie Box” was the choice of entertainment this evening. The kids really enjoy movies featuring dogs and tonight’s feature presentation in the Schlak home was Beethoven. They made sure to announce this to me early in the evening and then proceeded to remind me several times because, along with being tired, “Mom can’t remember anything”. Case in point….

I promised my son that I would go to the store today to purchase a new tube of Kidz toothpaste. We ran out of theirs on Friday and so they have been made to use mine. Obviously mine does not taste the same as theirs, and so they make sure to let me know how unhappy they are every time they need to brush their teeth. Because my oldest was home sick for two days I never made it to the store and told him I would take care of it today. Of course, in the rush of the day at work, I never did leave the office or go to the store. When he reminded me that I had promised to do it I politely apologized and simply said: “I am sorry. Mommy forgot,” to which he replied: “I will just write you a note so you don’t forget again tomorrow.” **sigh**

At this point in the evening I asked them “who was going to take care of Mommy tonight?” Yes, I admit it… I am now becoming like my mom, although for me it’s not the feet. For me, it’s the hair. I do love having my hair brushed, although I wouldn’t mind a good foot rub, to go along with it. “ME!!!” they both cried in delight. Oh yes!!!!! I live for these moments where they both want to help take care of Mommy. They are so few and far between! Tonight, it was my son who got the brush out and brushed my hair…. for about 30 seconds. Then, the two proceeded to fight over who was going to put all the clips in my hair. I did forget to mention that my youngest scratched my back for all of about 5 seconds. **sigh** We single moms will take what pampering we can get when ever we can from our kids. These moments are fleeting.

So, after “taking care” of Mommy, they started inquiring as to when the movie was going to start. We head to the front room and start our movie, all of us sitting on the sofa together, each with our own pillow. I am in the middle with a child on each side of me, all assigned seating, of course. Oh, not assigned by me. They have already determined who is sitting where for what I am pretty sure equates to eternity.

My son is to my right in one corner and my daughter to my left. I receive some hugs and kisses and lay down next to my son with my daughter carefully and meticulously placing her pillow over my feet and legs so that she can lean against them. She’s keeping my feet warm! It’s cuddle time while we allow our brains to go to mush for a bit watching this kid friendly movie. 10 minutes later, I am asleep. Okay, I am as asleep as I can be given every few minutes one or the other of them is laughing hysterically and asking: “Mommy, did you see what he just did?” in reference to the movie.

Who wouldn’t be nearly asleep? I am sure if you were up at 5:00am every morning, you would be tired, too. The thing is, if I am not out of the shower and mostly dressed before I wake the kids at 6:10am, then I might as well just go to work in my PJs, which is sounding pretty good right about now. There is inevitably the morning battle either with my five year old daughter who is upset about her clothing choices, or my seven year old son who simply doesn’t want to get dressed on his own. I have resorted to getting him dressed in the mornings myself, as I am resolved to keep my job and that is only going to happen if I am at work by 7:30am every morning, and THAT is only going to happen if I can get him dressed. We generally make it out the door by 7:00am for the two drop offs allowing me 20 minutes of peace before getting to the office at 7:35. **sigh** Okay, most mornings I do manage to get to the office at 7:32.

I actually see work as an opportunity for some down time. It’s not that my work is slow at all. It’s just that the tantrums grown-ups throw are some times a little easier to manage…. Weeeeelllll, okay, maybe that is a stretch.

At 4:30 it’s time to do the day-care dash back to the two locations I was at in the morning. I pick up Little Miss Chatter-Box first and get to listen to her stories about how so-and-so wouldn’t play with her today. Upon asking her if she actually asked so-and-so to play, she gets very quiet. That generally means “no”, which of course leads to the conversation about treating others properly and how you can’t expect people to be friendly to you if you aren’t friendly to them. Yes, do unto others, Sweetie. The pleasant conversation continues to the next pick-up point where I wait on pins and needles to find out if my first born had a good day or a not so good day. Of course, today, it was another good day which makes me very happy. We pile in the car and before I can even turn the ignition they are arguing over the way he looked at her, or because she is saying the same thing over and over again. “Calgon...!!!!!” I have to pleasantly (but not necessarily quietly) remind them that he had a good day and we don’t want to ruin it with fighting. And if that doesn’t work, there is always quiet time. Mommy LOVES quiet time. It works best in the car and I think it’s self-explanatory!

We arrive at the house and another argument breaks out over something about my daughter touching his backpack. I don’t remember except that it was pretty ridiculous! Another gentle reminder from Mom that we need to talk respectfully to one another and that if the back \pack was in the middle of the aisle in the car, then it was in her way and she had no choice but to touch it. Maybe there is a better place to put it next time. Inside, they start their activities and I start dinner. It’s a good night because they are sharing. This makes life so much easier.

After dinner, their baths, and Mommy getting pampered for 30 seconds, I am now sleeping on the sofa at 8:15 in the evening while my kids enjoy a movie with the proviso that at 9pm they have to go to bed whether the movie is over or not. 9pm rolls around and I give them another 15 minutes because I just don’t want to get up from the sofa where I am being cuddled by two incredibly sweet kids.

I have thought about my mom many evenings recently and believe I understand her in a very small way. She is not a woman who anyone can understand, however like all of us she wanted to be taken care of. God truly knows what we need, and tonight, I needed the cuddles and hugs and 30 seconds of being taken care of by my 7 and 5 year olds. Matthew 11:28 states: “Come to me, all you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” The idea of rest at times escapes me because everything is “go, go, go”, but God does want to provide that rest to me, even if it means I fall asleep on the sofa 10 minutes after sitting down. We need to be humble enough to tell Him we are tired so that he can lift us up and renew our strength. 1 Peter 5:6-7 says “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” Isaiah 40:31 states: "...but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

I am walking and I haven’t grown faint yet, even though I feel like it at times. My faith and strength come from my Father in Heaven who carries me through the trials and triumphs of being a single parent. Without Him, I could never do it. For as Phillipians 4:13 says: “I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”

Thanks for reading. More to come from this tired but thankful mom later.