Dinner over the kitchen sink – It's a date!!!!

You all know the movie: after watching her successfully coordinate a beautiful wedding, we see Jennifer Lopez’s character return to her very nice (and immaculately clean – obviously she does not have children) apartment where she prepares a rather elegant meal for herself which she eats on her “fine” china by candle light with a very nice glass of wine. She then proceeds to vacuum her draperies (which have no dust on them anyway) and watch TV. She is a wonderful picture of a single woman full of grace and elegance who has an obvious sense of style AND cleanliness. Let me just state right here that I am the complete polar opposite of what we see in these opening scenes from The Wedding Planner. As a matter of fact, I believe I have truly mastered the art of eating a meal while not dirtying anything more than a fork or spoon!!

It’s not really my desire to eat a meal as quickly as I can while standing at the kitchen sink… it just happens! It’s on those rare occasions when I have no children in the house and all is peaceful and quiet (but not clean as it is in my movie nemesis). It is difficult to cook for just one, and what’s the point in dirtying a pot or pan causing something else in the house to need cleaning? There are always plenty of left overs in the fridge that simply need to be microwaved for heat and then consumed. This does not require either fine china, or even the plastic child-proof plates that take up residence in my cabinets. I have often wondered what it must look like to a passerby were they to glance into my kitchen window on one of these evenings to see me inhaling my meal while standing over the kitchen sink (which they, of course, would not know being they are outside looking in), however I have long ago stopped worrying about what others think in this regard. The simple fact is that this is a very convenient way for me to eat my dinner on the nights I am alone and quickly move on to other more important things like organizing one of the messes on my dresser or foyer cabinet, or even writing a blog entry. Okay, in all honesty I do it when the kids are there sometimes, too. The goal on those nights is for me to finish my meal quickly so I can wash the dishes and have time to play with them once they are done. What can I say? The kitchen sink has become my dining room table.

I have decided that sitting at the dinner table to eat a meal alone is highly over rated, and I am sure that I am expensing more calories by standing and eating than my lovely counter-part is by sitting and quietly mouse-biting her perfectly planned meal. Who says you have to sit down, relax and enjoy your meal when there are so many other things that require attention: watering the plants, locking up the dust bunnies that have escaped from the garage, or procrastinating on something really important like Christmas decorating!!!??

It has crossed my mind a time or two, “What ever will I do if, by some miracle like the parting of the Red Sea, I should get asked out by a nice fellow to a fancy dinner??? Will I even remember how to act at an event such as this? How on Earth would I be able to eat my dinner without a kitchen sink at the table???” Should I steal one from my daughters “Barbie Dream House” and stick it in my purse for comfort and ease of mind? (hhmm.. I guess I would have to buy my daughter a Barbie Dream House first!) For what equates to a fraction of a second I panic at the thought, but then it is quickly gone when reality sets in.

Yes, I have browsed the profiles on a well-known dating site having decided that I might consider actually going on a date should a decent requestor present himself. Hey, it could happen, after all I am a rather charming and delightful person to be around! Just ask my friends (ask me which friends you can ask, first)! Of course, after perusing many profiles, I realize that morals and values are not high on everyone’s list of desired traits. The thing is, I am finding there is much more entertainment value in just reading profiles then there is in actually dating (well, okay, I haven’t been on a date in going on three years so I am not sure I remember if they are fun or not, but remember I do have a relationship with my kitchen sink and we have some rather nice meals together)!

What I have learned about today’s single male is that they are looking for someone who: “is beautiful”; “eats and lives a healthy lifestyle”; “has NO BAGGAGE”; “likes to travel”; and “likes to laugh”. Personally I have never met a person who didn’t like to laugh, so I am not sure what the purpose of that statement is. Maybe the men who state this just tell really bad jokes that simply aren’t funny and no woman has had the heart to tell them their jokes stink? YIKES!!! Now, if you are looking for someone who likes to travel, how can you possibly expect them to have “no baggage”?? I mean, come on fellas, how’s a girl supposed to pack all of her boots and other various accessories??? Is it a “healthy lifestyle” to eat over the kitchen sink? (insert pensive look here)…. I am thinking yes because as soon as I am done eating, I can clean the dishes and wash my hands!!! That's healthy!!!

I have been asked many times by both men and women friends why I am still single and the statement “isn’t there a nice single man in your church you can date?” generally follows the question of why am I still single. Since I am not a man of a particular age, I cannot answer for them, but I do know that I am neither desperate nor lonely, so I don’t jump at the first Tom, Rick or Jerry who says, “Hey baby. Here’s my e-mail address. Let’s connect!” As a tired single mom, I have my kids to think about and anyone I bring into my life, I am also bringing into theirs. Even if it’s someone I would not introduce to them for many, many months; the person who comes into my life still has an effect on me and my emotions, which in turn affects my children. What I can honestly answer when people ask me why I remain single is that I haven’t found someone who makes me desire to not be single. Someone who will make me desire to leave the comfort of dinner over the kitchen sink to have quiet conversation over a cloth covered table with dishes that clink when they touch (did I mention that I broke two of my ceramic plates the week of Thanksgiving? Another reason not to bother with “fine” china!)

Matthew 7:7-8 states “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.” Ask, seek and find. If we ask and seek for the things of Heaven, then we will find those things here on earth. I don’t think simply stating the superficial “make him or her beautiful” is what God had in mind here. We are to ask for and seek things that are not of this world in order to find the things that the Father desires for us while we are still in this world. For some of us it’s going to take a lot of asking and seeking before our desires are in line with the desires the Father has for us in order for us to find. We need to let go of the need for someone who “likes to travel” and “has no baggage” in order for God to bless us with someone who loves to transcend the Heavenly realms carrying battle ready armor (God’s Word).

Philippians 4:6-7 states “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” As long as we continue to make our requests known to God, we will find peace, and that peace is what allows us to move through our life situations we may not desire to be in. When we pray about our circumstances and share the desires of our hearts with the Father, He fills our hearts and minds with a peace that cannot come from being partnered with another human being. I am not anxious about being single, or about having my dinners over the kitchen sink because my God in Heaven has promised to “never leave me or forsake me”, which means I have a kitchen sink dinner partner every day for the rest of my life here on Earth, and that partner already thinks I am the most beautiful thing He’s ever seen. He helps me carry my baggage, regardless of how heavy or light it might be and He’s willing to travel with me, or stay home and have another simple, reheated, left-over meal be it at the kitchen table, or over the kitchen sink. His only desire of me is that I communicate with Him and share my thoughts, feelings and deepest desires. It’s a match made in Heaven.

Hebrews 5:7 “During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with fervent cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission.”

Procrastination… I will just wait until later to write this blog!!!

I have put off writing this blog entry for so long that I feel the topic is far more appropriate than what I was originally planning on writing about. I guess I will write that one later. Now that I have carved a pumpkin, listened to some music on YouTube, played on FaceBook, sat in front of the fire for a while, started a load of laundry, meandered around the house for a bit, played a game with my daughter, messed around with the camera, and cleaned out the kitchen sink, I guess I will sit down here and write this.

I can say with all honesty that I was never a big procrastinator in my life BC (Note that AC/BC does not refer to some obscure rock band from the 70’s, but rather historic periods of my life entitled “after children” and “before children”). So, BC - a decade or so ago (not that I am trying to date myself), I did what I said I was going to do at exactly the time I said I was going to do it. Procrastinating was that thing that old, lazy and/or unreliable people did. It would really bug me if someone said they were going to do something and they didn’t get it done (okay, it still bugs me. What can I say?). I couldn’t understand what the big issue was. Why not just do it and get it over with? Now that I am in the period of AC and pretty much tired 110% of the time, I totally get it. God’s sense of humor is not lost on me as He has yet again served me with a dose of “humble pie”. He took the trait that bothers me so much and in His great and glorious sense of wisdom and humor, decided to pour it into me. We learn by what we live, right?

For MOST people, I think the issue of procrastination is not really unreliability, but rather just being tired and juggling too many plates, especially in today’s day and age. We all have so much going on that we pick and choose things that we have to do and everything else gets pushed off (ignored) until later. For some of us (yes, I am raising my hand), later never really comes. I am realizing more and more how often I procrastinate on things now that I have been a single mom for going into my 5th year. Having two kids in elementary school, I find that I am juggling even more than I was before between work, homework and church activities, and I find my level of personal procrastination growing more, and yes I get irritated with myself. Why the irritation? Because by procrastinating, I cause un-needed stress in an already stressed and hectic schedule. I get done only what I NEED to get done in my personal life, and everything else waits until the last minute. Don’t let appearances fool you one bit. If I look like I am all neat and generally prepared, you can be certain that there was panic either the day before or the hour before whatever the event is.

For example, why buy school supplies a month before school starts when I can stress myself out by having to shop the week before school starts? Have you ever been to the store the week before school starts? All those pen and pencil bins are empty! Don't the stores plan for people like me? What about last minute Christmas shopping… a WEEK before Christmas!!! Call me glutton for punishment. (Did I mention how much I hate shopping?) Here’s another perfect example of procrastination run amuck in my personal life. I invited a friend over for dinner a few Friday nights ago. I wanted to cook a nice dinner; something I don’t get to do very often on account of young, picky eaters in the home. Problem – Procrastination on checking for the proper ingredients. I knew what I wanted to make, I just failed to make sure I had all the ingredients until an hour before my friend was scheduled to arrive. Alas, I did not get to cook the item I wanted to make and wound up with something store bought and tasteless. **sigh** Self-inflicted stress and disappointment (and a tummy ache later, too!)!! And let's not even get started on the condition of my house. It was "lived in" before, but sometimes now I wonder if I am not trying to create my own "creature feature". Oh, wait, that wasn't something growing on my bathroom floor, it was actually the cat. **shew** I did, however, just stop writing this blog and reorganize part of a closet. I am not sure if that should be counted as a negative - procrastinating the completion of this blog; or a positive – organizing something that should have been done a year ago (which of course is also procrastination because I should have done it a year ago!!! **sigh**). Is this really how God wants us to live?

God wants us to honor our commitments and to be responsible for the promises we make, not just to those around us and at work, but I believe to ourselves as well. His word states clearly in Matthew 5:33-37, “33"Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not break your oath, but keep the oaths you have made to the Lord.' 34But I tell you, Do not swear at all: either by heaven, for it is God's throne; 35or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. 36And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. 37Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.”

This verse in scripture is very clear “Let your yes be yes and your no be no.” We need to strive to live up to the commitments we make to one another and to ourselves in order to comply with God’s word, not only to those around us, but to ourselves as well. By doing so, we leave a more positive impression on our neighbors and we gain a level of self-respect we didn’t have before.

I know that I am not yet where I need to be on this topic, but God hasn’t given up on me. When I am done writing this blog entry, I am going to procrastinate on folding the laundry and get ready for bed. In fact, I already know that the load of laundry will sit in the basket for several days before it gets put away, but I did dust off my desk yesterday, so it’s a fair trade off and is progress in the right direction.  Besides, God loves me even when I am putting off doing today what I can always do tomorrow (or next week).

Psalm 36:7: “7How priceless is your unfailing love! Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings.”

Remembering My Dad

This post isn't about my own parenting nor is it about being tired at all. This one is about my dad who passed away 11 years ago this month.

It was 1998 and it was one of those phone calls you never want to get from your parent. "If anything happens to me, I want cremation." My head was buzzing as I was thinking to myself, "WHAT???? Where did this come from?" So, I asked my dad to jump back a few steps and asked what was going on. At that point, he'd been urinating blood for a month and had not been to see the doctor, nor had he mentioned it to my step mom. My dad loved his wife very much and didn't want her worrying. I explained that he needed to let her know what was going on and he needed to get in to see a doctor. He said he understood, but what was very important was that he wanted me to understand that he wanted cremation if anything happened to him.

I am convinced that people, much like animals, know when their time is nearing the end. Perhaps its how your body feels to you. For a believer in Christ, it could be that there is an overwhelming presence of a mass of angels surrounding you every day, and they increase in number as your end date draws near, or an overwhelming sense of peace - knowing you are going Home. I know this, my dad was keenly aware during this phone conversation that his life as I knew it was coming to an end, and he was determined to make sure that at least one of his children knew how he wanted things to move forward after he was gone.

The final diagnosis was stage 4 cancer and he was given a year to live. My dad, in his infinite wisdom, decided he was going to continue living his life to the fullest and enjoy every moment he had left. We already knew that there was nothing that could be done to save him and instead, through hospice care, he was treated to stay comfortable. I know because I was one of the two people assisting him in his last days and was blessed to be there the morning he took his last breath.

I can tell you with all certainty the Jesus saw my dad into heaven on that Sunday morning in May. The morning started like most of the rest of the week had, with Norma and me taking turns watching him and giving him morphine shots for comfort as needed. Hospice care had been to the house on Friday and after looking my father over, suggested that we each say our good-byes as they expected Friday would be the day he would depart. I am not sure I can describe what it is like to sit in front of your parent who is sick with cancer and emaciated to the point that you no longer recognize them, and tell them it is okay to go. I am not sure I can explain the difficulty with which you fight to hold back tears of sadness while trying to encouragingly say "Go, be with Jesus," however I somehow managed to say those very things to this man, my father, whom I truly respected, although not given many reasons to.

In his former life, he was not the world's best father to us (he simply was never there - or was drunk and sleeping when he was), or husband to my mom, whom he eventually left to marry a woman he knew from high school. Now in my 40's, I want to say I understand it more, although it would be a lie. What I do understand about it is that my parents were not in love with one another when they married, nor did they understand what the commitment of "Until death do us part" meant. To say they should never have been together would somehow be saying that my brother, sister and I should not have been born. God has His reasons for everything, and had my mom and dad not married, the three of us would not be here, nor would any of our children, and I know for a fact that there are reasons each of us are here. What I can tell you is that my dad had incredible wisdom (wisdom through failure is still wisdom), and while I didn't know him growing up, I learned to listen to him as a young adult, and he was always the one I went to for advice. I can tell you that my dad was a man who felt deep regrets over his past mistakes which resulted in a penned letter to my mother.

Not long after receiving his diagnosis of terminal cancer, he gave his life back to Christ, and followed him faithfully into Heaven. I believe that were it not for his faith and rededication to the Lord, admitting his failures would never have happened, and seeking forgiveness would have been the last thing on his mind. Matthew 6:14 states "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you." And so by writing this letter to my mom, he was doing what he knew to be right in the eyes of God. He was seeking forgiveness from one of the people he had hurt. Within this letter was a heartfelt, and God lead apology for every misfortune he ever brought upon her life - for not being a good husband, father, provider, etc. Within this letter he sought forgiveness for his past wrongs. Forgiveness is the glue that holds us together in the family of God - not just seeking it, but giving it as well. I cannot imagine it was easy for him to put all of that into a letter he would not just write and throw away, but that he would write and send to the woman he had so wronged. The woman who bore the burden of raising three kids alone during a time when single parenting was not as widely spread as it is today. I have so much respect for my father for listening to God's word

My father was an incredible trumpet player and had cut two albums in his life that were distributed mostly amongst family and friends. We thought he would like to pass into Heaven listening to his music, so in the background was the sound of my father's horn playing - sounds of my youth circling around me. It was hard to look at this figure lying in the bed and remember the handsome 6'3 man that I knew as my father. I barely recognized the figure lying under the bed sheet as I held his hand which felt like skeleton under feather like skin, and I found myself at a loss for words. I do remember telling him that Jesus was waiting for him and that it was okay for him to leave. I reassured him that I would see him again one day and that was about all I was able to say. I sat holding his hand for many minutes telling myself I would not cry in front of him. When I was done, I left the room allowing my step-mom to enter and say her good-byes as I retreated to the guest room to silently cry on my own.

Friday crawled by slowly with us administering morphine shots every 3 hours or so and with members of his church there to help support us through prayer and genuine Christ-like love. Dad's skin was grey and his breathing was labored, however for some reason he continued to remain with us. His color was better on Saturday as we began another day of watching and waiting for the inevitable to come that again managed to escape for another day. That Sunday morning I could see that the stress of caring for the man she loved was wearing on Norma and so I suggested she leave the house for a little while. If nothing else, I felt she needed some fresh air. She did not want to be away from him, but admitted she had not been to the post office in a while and decided she would just run up to check the mail. To this day I am amazed at the way God works in our lives and that he truly knows what we need and when we need it.

Norma returned from the post office with an excitement in her I had not seen all week. Unbeknownst to her, six weeks earlier my father had ordered a CD through the mail - Jackie Gleason's Songs for Lovers - and it happened to arrive that morning in the mail. She and my father loved Jackie Gleason's music. She put the CD on and sat next to my dad and held his hand. She sat quietly looking at him stroking his hair in a very loving way and I truly felt like perhaps I should give her some privacy to pour her love and affection on my father. I stepped out of the room for what I believe was only a few short minutes and she called me back in stating that it looked as if he needed another shot of morphine. As I quickly began filling the syringe, my dad took his last breath and very peacefully left the room. The presence of Christ was so heavy in the room you could smell his sweetness.

As Norma and I sat and cried together for many minutes, she told me that she had not said good-bye to him on Friday. She told me she just could not do it. She didn't want to say good-bye. My father loved her very much and when he learned of his terminal illness, all he worried about was his wife and would she be okay. Who would take care of her? He needed to know that she was going to be okay and he needed to hear it from her. That morning when I left the room, she said she held his hand and told him it was okay for him to leave. She told him that she would be okay and that if he wanted to go and be with the Lord, to please not worry about her and to go. She told him she loved him and she kissed his face. She told me he squeezed her hand, and it was within minutes that he took his last breath and was gone from this world.

As I recall the memory of that day with tears in my eyes yet again, I am filled with a peace that I can say with all confidence comes from the knowledge that my father is in Heaven with Jesus. Christ was in the room the day my father passed away and He was there to take him home where I will see him again one day.

John 14:1-3 says "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am."

On the Topic of Marriage

It does seem amazing that at the ages of 7 and 5 my kids would have any interest in marriage. I cannot explain where this interest comes from. Is it movies they watch? Friends they hear talking about it? I have no clue because I certainly don't sit around talking about marriage. I don't even talk to them about the idea of having a steady "boy-friend" (dating?), for lack of a better term. I don't date so the only men my kids ever see me interacting with are either family members, my friends' husbands when they come to visit us, or various brothers at church. How and where the topic of marriage entered their heads is a complete and total mystery to me. Of course, about half of the conversations my kids want to have with me remain a mystery as to how the topics got into their little heads to begin with.

Being 5, my daughter enjoys all the Disney movies that feature "Princess This or That" who, amazingly enough, always seems to be in a single parent family. I don't think that ever really sank in for me until just now as I am writing this and I haven't decided if that is a good thing for us single parents, or a bad one. Perhaps with a little more thought it can have a page all its own. At the moment, however, that is off topic. Have you ever noticed that "Princess This or That" is always trying to find a way to leave her current "reality show" and find her "Prince So and So" to run off an live "happily ever after" with? If I were to read in to that, I would think there was some kind of subliminal statement Disney was making however as you may know by now, I am a tired single mom and I don't have time to entertain that thought at the moment. So, now we have "Single-Parent King or Queen", "Princess This or That" and "Prince So-and-So" on the scene after an imaginary wedding that we never see, and my kids questioning me about whom they can marry.

It was one of those very innocent statements that you hear your child make that is completely off any topic you have been discussing as you are driving down the road. My daughter stated, rather matter of factly that she loved her brother and "When I grow up and become a Mommy I will marry you Stephen!" The Single-Parent Queen of this household quickly let her know that first of all, she needed to get married before she became a Mommy, and secondly she could not marry her own brother. "Why not, Mom?" (insert a bewildered look here) Isn't it amazing how a simple answer from a parent always results in another question from an inquisitive little mind? "Well, because he is your brother and you can't marry your brother." Lucky for me, she accepted the answer that time. She then told me she wanted to marry Daddy and her brother could marry me. Once again, I explained she could not marry Daddy because he was Daddy. I then proceeded to lay down the "marriage rules":

1) You can't marry your brother or Daddy (or sister or Mommy) because they are family;
2) You have to be married before you become a mommy or daddy;
3) You should marry someone who loves Jesus and treats you right; and
4) Make sure the person you marry is honest and does not tell lies.

Thank goodness neither one of them questioned me on what treating them right meant. I am sure in their mind it would be a person who bought them an ice cream cone and in that case, any of you reading this would be able to marry my kids if you met the qualifications as set forth above..

So, now that we have the "marriage rules" established there is a little quiet in the back of the car, I can see the wheels turning on my daughter's face. A minute goes by and she asks, "Mommy, does Randy know Jesus?" If she could see my face, she would see that I am rolling my eyes as Randy is an adult friend of mine from church who is already married and I know where the conversation is headed. "Honey, you can't marry Randy. Randy is already married. You can't marry someone who is already married." I know… more rules!!!! I didn't even approach the age difference at this time.

So, that is how we have established some rules around marriage in our home. The topic comes up from time to time as to whom they think they will marry. It generally comes up out of the blue. I find myself wondering if they do this on purpose trying to catch me off guard and see if I will lax on the rules because my daughter has commented on several ocassions since that she wants to marry Randy. Every time she does, I remind her that he is already married and you can't marry someone who is already married (Rule #5). Thankfully, Randy has backed me up on this and has had a discussion with her as well about how they can be friends, but she should marry someone her own age. HAHA

So, this brings us up to the most recent conversation on marriage which occurred this morning over breakfast. Out of the blue my son asks me, "Mommy, do Uncle Todd, Auntie and the cousins in Sacramento all know Jesus?" I am assuming his stating where they live was important because I MUST have another brother somewhere whom he has never met and therefore there would be other cousins he does not know. He needed to make sure I was aware of which set of cousins he was referring to so I did not confuse it with the cousins that don't exist. I replied to his question, "Yes, they do know Jesus." "Oh good, " he replies. Mommy, I want to marry my Melissa." If you haven't figured it out already, Meliss is his cousin.

I can see we need to add to the marriage rules again. Father in Heaven, help me!!!

"Train up a child in the way he should go and in the end he will not depart from it." - Proverbs 22:

"Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." - Ephesians 6:4

I'm No Perfect

It's not just a play on words. I'm no perfect mom, although I AM "Super Mom". At least according to my kids I am (I do seem to be missing my red tights and cape, however).

"Super Mom" to the rescue again, and this time... it was a battle with the huge mosquito threatening to eat the children. Like David and Goliath, I hath conquered the giant mosquito with my trusty .... flip-flop!!! Yes, the trusty flip-flop has defeated many a foe on our front porch. I was now doing the victory dance on the front porch after my latest conquest while the kids ran around the corner afraid for their lives! Flip-flops ARE a multi-purpose, death welding weapon of great power for the single mom who doesn't like flying creepy crawlies - or crawling creepy-crawlies, for that matter. There I am, doing the victory dance with my trusty black flip-flop while my kids begin to laugh. You see, the victory dance really was "Super Mom" freaking out about a spider. I am not afraid of the giant child-eating mosquito, however spiders are Super Mom's kryptonite! "The only good bug is a dead bug", was the motto I heard my dad say many times when I was growing up. I believe this is a good motto to live by. Go ahead and laugh, but one day I will consider having it stamped on T-shirts and sell them at camp grounds (my second path to making millions one day). They outta be a big hit.

So, with the child-eating mosquito smashed on the wall and the victory dance done, we can safely enter the house. It's after 9pm and our long day which started at 5:00am this morning is finally coming to an end. I am in a hurry to get the kids bathed and to bed so that I can enjoy a few minutes of "me" time. " My "me" time consists of washing any dishes that might still be in the sink, picking up any clothes left on the floor, placing backpacks and other various items in the appropriate place so that in the morning frenzy to leave the house 5 minutes late we won't forget anything important, like my 7 year old's lunch, or perhaps my brain. "Me" time also includes checking e-mail, listening to scripture, balancing the check book (oh joy... my favorite thing to do), and a variety of other annoying but necessary tasks that just never seem to get done on their own. Tonight however, as I look around the room, I am amazed at how much dust there seems to be on my night stand. Once I noticed the dust on the night stand, I forced myself to look at my dresser where I see, burried under the stacks of "stuff," more dust. I walk into the front room and notice there is dust there, too! "How could there possibly be that much dust in here? Didn't I just dust a few months ago? Did someone let the dust bunnies out of their crate in the garage and allow them to have their way in the house unsupervised this evening??? And while we are at it, who stacked all that "stuff" on my dresser, anyway??"

You see, I am no perfect house keeper. There was a time in my past - before kids - that I kept a pretty neat and orderly home, however those days are long gone (and seem like many life times ago). It was not easy acquiring the ability to ignore how sloppy my house was looking. It really did take some effort. I am envious of those moms whose homes I walk into and see a neat orderly castle with no dust anywhere in sight. Their kids rooms are tidy and the beds are made with perfect little hospital corners. Everything is in its place and the places are immaculate. The rooms are even themed! There is a part of me that wants to take lessons from that mom and ask her how she does it.... especially with the kids rooms. I would give my dusty night stand to get my two kids to truly clean their rooms. My 7-year old thinks cleaning is just pulling the covers up over the pillows. If you were to pull the covers back, you would find a myriad of things either immediately under the covers, or shoved under his bed. My 5-year old thinks cleaning is just moving things from the floor to the top of her dresser (hhhmmm... maybe SHE stacked all that "stuff" on top of my dresser). I have given up trying to tell her otherwise. I am just happy the floor is clear enough that I can get the vacuum in there!! Of course, when everything is piled on her dresser, I can no longer see the dust that is accumulating, which is what seemed to catch my attention this evening.

I have single mom friends whose homes look neat and tidy as well and I have often wondered how they get it done. Recently however, I was enlightened. You see, the secret we single moms have discovered is that only certain areas of the home need to be kept in respectable order - you ladies know what I am talking about. There was a reason that closets were invented, and if those don't work to hide your disorganized mess, well... there's always room under the bed for something besides the cat. I also have a garage I can move things to (let's not go there tonight). In some of our homes you might just find the "sock monster" under the bed gnawing away at the most recent pair of socks he stole from the dryer. Of course, the "sock monster" is another story altogether!

As I said, in a past life, my home was kept pretty tidy, even after my son was born. I am still not sure how I did it, but I somehow managed to get the hardwood floors wiped down every day and the kitchen was always spotless. Of course, if I weren't cleaning the floors every day we would have been over taken by dog hair, and that just couldn't happen with a pre-crawler in the home. Sitting here thinking about that time in my life, I realize that it truly was a life-time ago with a different "me" who was still married. It was a difficult thing for me to learn that it was okay to have a home that looked "lived in". For the longest time I felt like the ticket to my being a good mom was keeping my home clean and presentable. That was a false truth. The reality of life is that the cleanliness of my home does not tell you what kind of parent or person I am. What tells of the kind of parent and person I am is what my kids become.

In my home there are piles of things in places I would rather not have them, there is almost always an article of clothing (or several articles) on the floor somewhere in the house (just because you can't see them does not mean they aren't there), and if you decided to do the white glove test here... well, forget it. Take your white gloves and go to Ms. Hospital Corners house because I would fail the test pretty quickly. As a single mom I have had to learn to let those things go. I simply cannot get all of it done all of the time. What is truly more important to me is making sure my kids are happy and healthy, and that the people who enter my slightly-messy-but-lived-in-home feel welcomed and feel the presence and peace of Jesus. I don't need to have a Better Homes and Garden quality home; I simply need to have a better peaceful living home. God does not expect me to be perfect. 2 Samuel 22:33 says "It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect." He wants me to stop striving to please others and live to please Him. He doesn't care if my home is spotless, rather He cares that my soul is spotless. Romans 12:2 states: "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."

So, tonight when I am finished posting this and I step into the bathroom and see how sloppy the floor is or how dirty the counter is, I am not going to stress out over it. When I look at the floor and see all the hair that has fallen onto it (most of it mine - I guess it's true that kids make our hair fall out), I am not going to worry about getting it cleaned immediately. Instead, I am going to be reminded that I am fearfully and wonderfully made and that my Father in heaven knows the number of every hair on my head (and probably all those on the floor as well). I am going to remember that he is not interested in the cleaning of my home, but rather the cleansing of my spirit.

I am sure at some point I will get around to cleaning the bathroom as well as the rest of my house - and it may not all be clean at the same time. For now, however, I will settle with not being perfect because I am loved by God for who I am and for how messy my home is.

10 Minutes

I fall asleep on the sofa. It generally happens within 10 minutes of my sitting down, even if I don’t think I am tired. My friends laugh at me on Friday nights when they come over to visit because I sit in my comfy chair to chat with them, and 10 minutes later I am falling asleep while they are in mid sentence. They have all learned that I am not being rude… I am simply exhausted, and although I feel like I have a ton of energy and can easily stay up until midnight on THIS Friday night, inevitably when I sit down, the week catches up to me and the eyelids just decide to take over and close up shop for the night.

Most week nights, my kids are quietly playing in the house (or loudly arguing) and they will ask me if they can watch a movie. They should know by now that the answer is going to be “No TV during the week”. I am a firm believer that TV is a distraction and I would rather have them focusing on homework or other forms of play that require them to use their imagination. I find the “zombie box” to be a tool that only serves to make kids stupid, for lack of a better term. This week, however, the kids are being treated as my behaviorally challenged son is having a streak of excellent behavior and I want to reward him with an activity of his choice. The “zombie box” it is!!

I am the product of a split family – split by a divorce. My brother, sister and I grew up with my mom, although I don’t remember her being home very much, and when she was, it wasn’t pleasant between she and I. I don’t even think I remember a time before when I saw my parents together at the same time. It was always in passing. Dad worked nights and in the afternoon, was either sleeping in his chair after playing his trumpet and watching an episode of Star Trek (the original TV series – remember, this was the 70’s), or he was upstairs in the den listening to classical music doing whatever Dad’s did in their dens (men remain a mystery to me). By the ages of 12, 9 and 6 dinner was our responsibility (I was the middle of the three ages). I remember being able to cook a variety of things from meat loaf to sloppy Joes; macaroni and cheese (not the kind in the box – I don’t even think that had been invented yet) to mini pizzas.

In all honesty, my childhood is a blurred photo of memories that occasionally reveal a sharp picture of a single parent trying to raise three kids in the 70’s when there were no other single parents on our block. I can remember my mom falling asleep on the sofa nearly every night after trying to coax one of the three of us into rubbing lotion into her feet or giving her a back rub while she lay on her stomach on the living room floor. Now, over 30 years later, I find myself as the single parent, also the product of a divorce (although I am now a big statistic) falling asleep on the sofa or chair 10 minutes after sitting down.

It’s not my intention to fall asleep so quickly I just never realize how exhausted I am, even now after doing this for four years. My wonderful 7 and 5 year olds have boundless supplies of energy that I cannot seem to drain, even when I try. I am convinced that this is my ticket to millions if I can just figure out how to bottle it. I am sure it would do well in any store or on eBay. “Pure Energy for sale, buy it now while supplies last!!!” Supplies always last because there seems to be more where it came from.

Tonight was another perfect example of my kids outlasting me at the end of the day. As I said earlier, the “Zombie Box” was the choice of entertainment this evening. The kids really enjoy movies featuring dogs and tonight’s feature presentation in the Schlak home was Beethoven. They made sure to announce this to me early in the evening and then proceeded to remind me several times because, along with being tired, “Mom can’t remember anything”. Case in point….

I promised my son that I would go to the store today to purchase a new tube of Kidz toothpaste. We ran out of theirs on Friday and so they have been made to use mine. Obviously mine does not taste the same as theirs, and so they make sure to let me know how unhappy they are every time they need to brush their teeth. Because my oldest was home sick for two days I never made it to the store and told him I would take care of it today. Of course, in the rush of the day at work, I never did leave the office or go to the store. When he reminded me that I had promised to do it I politely apologized and simply said: “I am sorry. Mommy forgot,” to which he replied: “I will just write you a note so you don’t forget again tomorrow.” **sigh**

At this point in the evening I asked them “who was going to take care of Mommy tonight?” Yes, I admit it… I am now becoming like my mom, although for me it’s not the feet. For me, it’s the hair. I do love having my hair brushed, although I wouldn’t mind a good foot rub, to go along with it. “ME!!!” they both cried in delight. Oh yes!!!!! I live for these moments where they both want to help take care of Mommy. They are so few and far between! Tonight, it was my son who got the brush out and brushed my hair…. for about 30 seconds. Then, the two proceeded to fight over who was going to put all the clips in my hair. I did forget to mention that my youngest scratched my back for all of about 5 seconds. **sigh** We single moms will take what pampering we can get when ever we can from our kids. These moments are fleeting.

So, after “taking care” of Mommy, they started inquiring as to when the movie was going to start. We head to the front room and start our movie, all of us sitting on the sofa together, each with our own pillow. I am in the middle with a child on each side of me, all assigned seating, of course. Oh, not assigned by me. They have already determined who is sitting where for what I am pretty sure equates to eternity.

My son is to my right in one corner and my daughter to my left. I receive some hugs and kisses and lay down next to my son with my daughter carefully and meticulously placing her pillow over my feet and legs so that she can lean against them. She’s keeping my feet warm! It’s cuddle time while we allow our brains to go to mush for a bit watching this kid friendly movie. 10 minutes later, I am asleep. Okay, I am as asleep as I can be given every few minutes one or the other of them is laughing hysterically and asking: “Mommy, did you see what he just did?” in reference to the movie.

Who wouldn’t be nearly asleep? I am sure if you were up at 5:00am every morning, you would be tired, too. The thing is, if I am not out of the shower and mostly dressed before I wake the kids at 6:10am, then I might as well just go to work in my PJs, which is sounding pretty good right about now. There is inevitably the morning battle either with my five year old daughter who is upset about her clothing choices, or my seven year old son who simply doesn’t want to get dressed on his own. I have resorted to getting him dressed in the mornings myself, as I am resolved to keep my job and that is only going to happen if I am at work by 7:30am every morning, and THAT is only going to happen if I can get him dressed. We generally make it out the door by 7:00am for the two drop offs allowing me 20 minutes of peace before getting to the office at 7:35. **sigh** Okay, most mornings I do manage to get to the office at 7:32.

I actually see work as an opportunity for some down time. It’s not that my work is slow at all. It’s just that the tantrums grown-ups throw are some times a little easier to manage…. Weeeeelllll, okay, maybe that is a stretch.

At 4:30 it’s time to do the day-care dash back to the two locations I was at in the morning. I pick up Little Miss Chatter-Box first and get to listen to her stories about how so-and-so wouldn’t play with her today. Upon asking her if she actually asked so-and-so to play, she gets very quiet. That generally means “no”, which of course leads to the conversation about treating others properly and how you can’t expect people to be friendly to you if you aren’t friendly to them. Yes, do unto others, Sweetie. The pleasant conversation continues to the next pick-up point where I wait on pins and needles to find out if my first born had a good day or a not so good day. Of course, today, it was another good day which makes me very happy. We pile in the car and before I can even turn the ignition they are arguing over the way he looked at her, or because she is saying the same thing over and over again. “Calgon...!!!!!” I have to pleasantly (but not necessarily quietly) remind them that he had a good day and we don’t want to ruin it with fighting. And if that doesn’t work, there is always quiet time. Mommy LOVES quiet time. It works best in the car and I think it’s self-explanatory!

We arrive at the house and another argument breaks out over something about my daughter touching his backpack. I don’t remember except that it was pretty ridiculous! Another gentle reminder from Mom that we need to talk respectfully to one another and that if the back \pack was in the middle of the aisle in the car, then it was in her way and she had no choice but to touch it. Maybe there is a better place to put it next time. Inside, they start their activities and I start dinner. It’s a good night because they are sharing. This makes life so much easier.

After dinner, their baths, and Mommy getting pampered for 30 seconds, I am now sleeping on the sofa at 8:15 in the evening while my kids enjoy a movie with the proviso that at 9pm they have to go to bed whether the movie is over or not. 9pm rolls around and I give them another 15 minutes because I just don’t want to get up from the sofa where I am being cuddled by two incredibly sweet kids.

I have thought about my mom many evenings recently and believe I understand her in a very small way. She is not a woman who anyone can understand, however like all of us she wanted to be taken care of. God truly knows what we need, and tonight, I needed the cuddles and hugs and 30 seconds of being taken care of by my 7 and 5 year olds. Matthew 11:28 states: “Come to me, all you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” The idea of rest at times escapes me because everything is “go, go, go”, but God does want to provide that rest to me, even if it means I fall asleep on the sofa 10 minutes after sitting down. We need to be humble enough to tell Him we are tired so that he can lift us up and renew our strength. 1 Peter 5:6-7 says “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” Isaiah 40:31 states: "...but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

I am walking and I haven’t grown faint yet, even though I feel like it at times. My faith and strength come from my Father in Heaven who carries me through the trials and triumphs of being a single parent. Without Him, I could never do it. For as Phillipians 4:13 says: “I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”

Thanks for reading. More to come from this tired but thankful mom later.