The Pop-Up Road Stand

Another Valentine’s Day has come and gone. I am sitting here in my comfy chair ignoring the blog post I started on December 31^st that I haven’t finished in order to write what is on my mind this evening (talk about procrastination).

I found myself chuckling as I drove to the gym this evening. There on the corner across the street from my gym was not one, but TWO pop-up road stands selling flowers and stuffed toys to those men who didn’t plan in advance. Sorry fellas but let’s face it, generally speaking it is not a woman who is last minute shopping on Valentine’s Day. Admittedly, I would probably be one of the few women in the world who would be shopping on Valentine’s Day in order to have a little something for that someone special however for the time being, we will set my short comings aside and deal with the topic that is really on my mind this evening!

Yes, I was chuckling, and sadly shaking my head from side to side as I watched the scene from my car while waiting for the light to turn green. At the stand were four or five men frantically picking out something which they clearly put no thought into, in order to stay out of the dog house (click)). Sadly, I feel strongly that the whole point of Valentine’s Day is lost not just on these men, but on the women for whom the thoughtless gifts are being purchased! Isn’t the whole point geared towards telling your someone special, “Hey, you’re someone special!!”?? I don’t know, perhaps my old-fashioned values are clouding my judgment here… or it’s just a lack of sleep given the hour I am sitting here writing this post.

My idea of a relationship is outdated by today’s standard, which probably explains one of the reasons why I have remained single for so long. In my mind, the man with whom I am in a relationship shouldn’t have to panic at the thought of bringing home a gift on one particular day of the year (although he should know how to hold a door open for me). Isn’t the whole point of being in a relationship with another person to be expressing your love, admiration, respect, joy, etc. of being with that person every day throughout the year? Would it not have more meaning if the person you are with surprised you with a little something (a card, flowers, dinner, etc.) on some random day during the year? This gesture would certainly be more heartfelt, which is exactly what I believe is the missing piece (or peace) in the average relationship today. We have gotten away from really caring about one another and it has become nothing more than a status to post on your FB page. In today’s day and age of social media and move, move move, the attitude is “just jump back into the saddle as fast as you can” at the end of any relationship, leaving fewer people truly emotionally healthy when they enter a relationship. The end result is that you and the person you are with are simply going through the motions because you just don’t want to be alone. Well listen up, I have a small secret to share with all of you …

From one tired single mom to those of you listening – being single is NOT a disease to abhor, but rather a lifestyle to embrace while you can!! In 1 Corinthians 7:32-35, Paul talks to the church about singleness vs. the married life and he states: “³² I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. ³³ But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— ³⁴ and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. ³⁵ I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.” Um, hello, are you listening?? If you are single, you have time to just rest in the comfort of the loving arms of your Father who created you! No man (or woman) is ever going to love you in the same way as your Father in Heaven does. And you want to know something else? God will never need to stand at the pop-up “Duh-I-didn’t-plan-ahead-for-V-DAY” stand to buy you flowers. He makes sure they come into bloom just for you every year.... Ladies, are YOU listening?? Singleness truly is a blessing to be grasped with joy. I mean, you don’t have anyone else’s things to pick up around the house. You don’t have to fight over the remote control, AND you only have to visit one family on the holidays!! WOW, what a blessing!!!

Jesus is God’s ultimate Valentine’s gift to you and is the perfect example of sacrificial love (i.e. dying to self). He gave up His life for those that he loved – that’s you and me, baby!! Ephesians 5:1-2 states ¹ “Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children ² and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” Ephesians goes on to state in vs. 25-33 ²⁵ “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her ²⁶ to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, ²⁷ and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. ²⁸ In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹ After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— ³⁰ for we are members of his body. ³¹ “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”³² This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. ³³ However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” In all honesty, singleness sounds like a lot less work!!

Let’s set aside the word “husband” and” wife” for a moment. The scripture still applies. In layman’s terms - treat each other the way you want to be treated (Um, “do unto others” sounds familiar, no?). Men, do you want her to respect you? Then act in a way deserving of respect. Ladies, do you want his love? Then behave in a loving and respectful way towards him. I believe that if people can grasp those two little concepts – love one another as Christ does us, and show each other respect – then perhaps the need to rush around at 5:03 pm on Valentine’s Day to stand in line at Walgreens, or the pop-up road stand, to buy some “I-didn’t-put-any-thought-into-this-gift” gift would no longer be necessary, and my hunch is more relationships would have a deeper connection.

By the way, I DID plan in advance for MY Valentines (my 9 year old son and my 6 year old daughter) and as a result received tons of hugs and kisses, as well as an evening free of any bickering. I gotta say, it was a great day!!

1 Corinthians 13:4-13 ^"4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

⁸ Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹ For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰ but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. ¹¹ When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. ¹² For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

¹³ And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

Nothing to offer except this mountain

I’m struggling with this post a bit because I have several heavy topics on my mind that are inter-related, and as you may know if you’ve read my previous posts, I don’t always do “heavy” well. My sarcasm and wit tend to overshadow leaving those around me with the impression that I am all funny. Well, do NOT let my “charm” deceive you (yes, I am charming, or at least I have moments of charm), I am far more serious than I let on. Sarcasm is simply a break from myself when I feel like “Geez, girl, can we just have a little humor today?” Sarcasm is something I revert to when I don’t want to weigh a conversation down with what I might really be thinking, or when I don’t have anything of importance to contribute (the latter happens more than you know!!). Of course, I am a woman so I am capable of thinking of hundreds of topics all at the same time while carrying on a conversation with you – the inanimate screen I am now typing on. (I didn’t mention that I am currently checking Facebook and paying attention to my cat while I write this post.) See what I mean?? I am a great multi-tasker (or was I just procrastinating again?)!! That, however is not what this post is about.

I am not “worth” much in worldly eyes. It’s true! I have nothing I can “offer” anyone around me. I have no wealth…. There is no 401k plan, no big savings account and no real estate to sell off. I don’t have expensive jewelry, cars, boats, or other recreational type vehicles (although I have a pretty incredible closet full of shoes and BOOTS!!!). I don’t even have a piggy bank in my house full of change I empty from my wallet every week. I live paycheck-to-paycheck and have no worldly wealth at all. In this way I truly have nothing I can offer anyone in this very materialistic “what can you give to me” society that we live in. In addition to having nothing, I am now challenged with making the nothing I have stretch even further, and I once again find myself questioning God why this is happening. I find myself telling him that I don’t see a way to make it work and yet His response to me is “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.” (Mark 10:27) He then reminds me that my worth is not in the things I have here on Earth, but in the treasures I store up in Heaven –

Matthew 6:19-21 ¹⁹ “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. ²⁰ But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. ²¹ For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

I have nothing of Earthly value to offer anyone, however I have been blessed with wisdom from God that is more valuable than all the gold one could store up in their safety deposit box. By caring for my children and teaching them to love others the way that God loves them, I am helping to build up my treasure in heaven while making Earth a nicer place to live. I have nothing of worldly value to offer those around me, but I make a pretty nice pot of spaghetti, have a peaceful home with which to entertain and allow people to unload their burdens in my living room while we raise the roof with prayer and worship to the Father who provides for our needs.

I will end with this… I was listening to a popular Marvin Gaye song this evening “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” (<----click for song) and it occurred to me how much this song is like a love song to (and from) God. There really is no mountain high enough or valley low enough to keep God from getting to me. I can call Him no matter where I am, no matter how far I travel. All I have to do is call on his name and he will be here for me. Now that is love - no earthly wealth needed!!!

Proverbs 3:5-6 ⁵Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
⁶ in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.

What can I possibly write about??

Ah, yes, the affliction of writer's block has struck me. It's not necessarily that I can't write as much as it is I can't get all the thoughts out into one clear and well written post that anyone might find worth the time to read (this is assuming, of course, that anything else I wrote might have been found interesting by anyone other than me). So, here I sit past 10 o'clock in the evening thinking that if I write about writer's block, perhaps it will help all those other thoughts swirling about in my head to collide together and create some kind of sense. So, this is my writer's block post, which may or may not be about writer's block at all. Readers, beware!!!

Side note for the male readers out there: it IS possible for the thoughts in a woman's mind to come out and make complete and total sense. God DID provide you with a companion's manual... it's called the Bible. My suggestion - read it!!

In offering some encouragement to a friend today I read through the first three chapters in the book of Ecclesiastes, speaking of that manual (okay, in keeping up with being ME, I just paused to read another 6 chapters of that book). Many of you may relate this book to the popular song "Turn, Turn, Turn" by the Byrds - "To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven." What caught my attention as I read today was how the writer is clearly at a pausing point in his life. He was at a point in his life where he was asking the big "Why" questions. Why do we work so hard? What is the point? He is struck by the fact that all the hard work and toil done by people is meaningless. "A chasing after the wind." The writer concludes that it is better for man to simply decide to be happy with his work. The writer finds that tranquility is so much better than to toil day after day, and that God can and will place that happiness in our hearts if we allow it.

Ecclesiastes 5:18-20 states, "¹⁸ This is what I have observed to be good: that it is appropriate for a person to eat, to drink and to find satisfaction in their toilsome labor under the sun during the few days of life God has given them—for this is their lot. ¹⁹ Moreover, when God gives someone wealth and possessions, and the ability to enjoy them, to accept their lot and be happy in their toil—this is a gift of God. ²⁰ They seldom reflect on the days of their life, because God keeps them occupied with gladness of heart."

Have we as a nation of believer's forgotten to sit back, be happy with the food and drink we are provided and simply enjoy life with gladness in our hearts? Do we even allow God the ability to place gladness in our hearts? I admit I am guilty of preventing the Father from placing gladness in my heart. "How?" you might ask. By simply not looking at the treasures He has placed before my very eyes. The treasures that are in my life every day, who may bicker and fight from time to time (okay, it's a lot more than that), but who can also look at me on a morning when I am feeling down and tell me that I am beautiful on the inside because she was just reading that in her Bible the other day. <3 That wisdom came from my 6-year old daughter and it really did come at a time when I was feeling the "toilsomeness" of life.

I am going to end this post here by simply asking you a question: Do you appreciate the work, food and rest God provides for you, or do you find it a burden? Do you allow God to place happiness in your heart? Perhaps it's time for you to TURN TURN TURN to God's word for the encouragement He gave me today.

Dinner over the kitchen sink – It's a date!!!!

You all know the movie: after watching her successfully coordinate a beautiful wedding, we see Jennifer Lopez’s character return to her very nice (and immaculately clean – obviously she does not have children) apartment where she prepares a rather elegant meal for herself which she eats on her “fine” china by candle light with a very nice glass of wine. She then proceeds to vacuum her draperies (which have no dust on them anyway) and watch TV. She is a wonderful picture of a single woman full of grace and elegance who has an obvious sense of style AND cleanliness. Let me just state right here that I am the complete polar opposite of what we see in these opening scenes from The Wedding Planner. As a matter of fact, I believe I have truly mastered the art of eating a meal while not dirtying anything more than a fork or spoon!!

It’s not really my desire to eat a meal as quickly as I can while standing at the kitchen sink… it just happens! It’s on those rare occasions when I have no children in the house and all is peaceful and quiet (but not clean as it is in my movie nemesis). It is difficult to cook for just one, and what’s the point in dirtying a pot or pan causing something else in the house to need cleaning? There are always plenty of left overs in the fridge that simply need to be microwaved for heat and then consumed. This does not require either fine china, or even the plastic child-proof plates that take up residence in my cabinets. I have often wondered what it must look like to a passerby were they to glance into my kitchen window on one of these evenings to see me inhaling my meal while standing over the kitchen sink (which they, of course, would not know being they are outside looking in), however I have long ago stopped worrying about what others think in this regard. The simple fact is that this is a very convenient way for me to eat my dinner on the nights I am alone and quickly move on to other more important things like organizing one of the messes on my dresser or foyer cabinet, or even writing a blog entry. Okay, in all honesty I do it when the kids are there sometimes, too. The goal on those nights is for me to finish my meal quickly so I can wash the dishes and have time to play with them once they are done. What can I say? The kitchen sink has become my dining room table.

I have decided that sitting at the dinner table to eat a meal alone is highly over rated, and I am sure that I am expensing more calories by standing and eating than my lovely counter-part is by sitting and quietly mouse-biting her perfectly planned meal. Who says you have to sit down, relax and enjoy your meal when there are so many other things that require attention: watering the plants, locking up the dust bunnies that have escaped from the garage, or procrastinating on something really important like Christmas decorating!!!??

It has crossed my mind a time or two, “What ever will I do if, by some miracle like the parting of the Red Sea, I should get asked out by a nice fellow to a fancy dinner??? Will I even remember how to act at an event such as this? How on Earth would I be able to eat my dinner without a kitchen sink at the table???” Should I steal one from my daughters “Barbie Dream House” and stick it in my purse for comfort and ease of mind? (hhmm.. I guess I would have to buy my daughter a Barbie Dream House first!) For what equates to a fraction of a second I panic at the thought, but then it is quickly gone when reality sets in.

Yes, I have browsed the profiles on a well-known dating site having decided that I might consider actually going on a date should a decent requestor present himself. Hey, it could happen, after all I am a rather charming and delightful person to be around! Just ask my friends (ask me which friends you can ask, first)! Of course, after perusing many profiles, I realize that morals and values are not high on everyone’s list of desired traits. The thing is, I am finding there is much more entertainment value in just reading profiles then there is in actually dating (well, okay, I haven’t been on a date in going on three years so I am not sure I remember if they are fun or not, but remember I do have a relationship with my kitchen sink and we have some rather nice meals together)!

What I have learned about today’s single male is that they are looking for someone who: “is beautiful”; “eats and lives a healthy lifestyle”; “has NO BAGGAGE”; “likes to travel”; and “likes to laugh”. Personally I have never met a person who didn’t like to laugh, so I am not sure what the purpose of that statement is. Maybe the men who state this just tell really bad jokes that simply aren’t funny and no woman has had the heart to tell them their jokes stink? YIKES!!! Now, if you are looking for someone who likes to travel, how can you possibly expect them to have “no baggage”?? I mean, come on fellas, how’s a girl supposed to pack all of her boots and other various accessories??? Is it a “healthy lifestyle” to eat over the kitchen sink? (insert pensive look here)…. I am thinking yes because as soon as I am done eating, I can clean the dishes and wash my hands!!! That's healthy!!!

I have been asked many times by both men and women friends why I am still single and the statement “isn’t there a nice single man in your church you can date?” generally follows the question of why am I still single. Since I am not a man of a particular age, I cannot answer for them, but I do know that I am neither desperate nor lonely, so I don’t jump at the first Tom, Rick or Jerry who says, “Hey baby. Here’s my e-mail address. Let’s connect!” As a tired single mom, I have my kids to think about and anyone I bring into my life, I am also bringing into theirs. Even if it’s someone I would not introduce to them for many, many months; the person who comes into my life still has an effect on me and my emotions, which in turn affects my children. What I can honestly answer when people ask me why I remain single is that I haven’t found someone who makes me desire to not be single. Someone who will make me desire to leave the comfort of dinner over the kitchen sink to have quiet conversation over a cloth covered table with dishes that clink when they touch (did I mention that I broke two of my ceramic plates the week of Thanksgiving? Another reason not to bother with “fine” china!)

Matthew 7:7-8 states “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.” Ask, seek and find. If we ask and seek for the things of Heaven, then we will find those things here on earth. I don’t think simply stating the superficial “make him or her beautiful” is what God had in mind here. We are to ask for and seek things that are not of this world in order to find the things that the Father desires for us while we are still in this world. For some of us it’s going to take a lot of asking and seeking before our desires are in line with the desires the Father has for us in order for us to find. We need to let go of the need for someone who “likes to travel” and “has no baggage” in order for God to bless us with someone who loves to transcend the Heavenly realms carrying battle ready armor (God’s Word).

Philippians 4:6-7 states “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” As long as we continue to make our requests known to God, we will find peace, and that peace is what allows us to move through our life situations we may not desire to be in. When we pray about our circumstances and share the desires of our hearts with the Father, He fills our hearts and minds with a peace that cannot come from being partnered with another human being. I am not anxious about being single, or about having my dinners over the kitchen sink because my God in Heaven has promised to “never leave me or forsake me”, which means I have a kitchen sink dinner partner every day for the rest of my life here on Earth, and that partner already thinks I am the most beautiful thing He’s ever seen. He helps me carry my baggage, regardless of how heavy or light it might be and He’s willing to travel with me, or stay home and have another simple, reheated, left-over meal be it at the kitchen table, or over the kitchen sink. His only desire of me is that I communicate with Him and share my thoughts, feelings and deepest desires. It’s a match made in Heaven.

Hebrews 5:7 “During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with fervent cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission.”