Dinner over the kitchen sink – It's a date!!!!

You all know the movie: after watching her successfully coordinate a beautiful wedding, we see Jennifer Lopez’s character return to her very nice (and immaculately clean – obviously she does not have children) apartment where she prepares a rather elegant meal for herself which she eats on her “fine” china by candle light with a very nice glass of wine. She then proceeds to vacuum her draperies (which have no dust on them anyway) and watch TV. She is a wonderful picture of a single woman full of grace and elegance who has an obvious sense of style AND cleanliness. Let me just state right here that I am the complete polar opposite of what we see in these opening scenes from The Wedding Planner. As a matter of fact, I believe I have truly mastered the art of eating a meal while not dirtying anything more than a fork or spoon!!

It’s not really my desire to eat a meal as quickly as I can while standing at the kitchen sink… it just happens! It’s on those rare occasions when I have no children in the house and all is peaceful and quiet (but not clean as it is in my movie nemesis). It is difficult to cook for just one, and what’s the point in dirtying a pot or pan causing something else in the house to need cleaning? There are always plenty of left overs in the fridge that simply need to be microwaved for heat and then consumed. This does not require either fine china, or even the plastic child-proof plates that take up residence in my cabinets. I have often wondered what it must look like to a passerby were they to glance into my kitchen window on one of these evenings to see me inhaling my meal while standing over the kitchen sink (which they, of course, would not know being they are outside looking in), however I have long ago stopped worrying about what others think in this regard. The simple fact is that this is a very convenient way for me to eat my dinner on the nights I am alone and quickly move on to other more important things like organizing one of the messes on my dresser or foyer cabinet, or even writing a blog entry. Okay, in all honesty I do it when the kids are there sometimes, too. The goal on those nights is for me to finish my meal quickly so I can wash the dishes and have time to play with them once they are done. What can I say? The kitchen sink has become my dining room table.

I have decided that sitting at the dinner table to eat a meal alone is highly over rated, and I am sure that I am expensing more calories by standing and eating than my lovely counter-part is by sitting and quietly mouse-biting her perfectly planned meal. Who says you have to sit down, relax and enjoy your meal when there are so many other things that require attention: watering the plants, locking up the dust bunnies that have escaped from the garage, or procrastinating on something really important like Christmas decorating!!!??

It has crossed my mind a time or two, “What ever will I do if, by some miracle like the parting of the Red Sea, I should get asked out by a nice fellow to a fancy dinner??? Will I even remember how to act at an event such as this? How on Earth would I be able to eat my dinner without a kitchen sink at the table???” Should I steal one from my daughters “Barbie Dream House” and stick it in my purse for comfort and ease of mind? (hhmm.. I guess I would have to buy my daughter a Barbie Dream House first!) For what equates to a fraction of a second I panic at the thought, but then it is quickly gone when reality sets in.

Yes, I have browsed the profiles on a well-known dating site having decided that I might consider actually going on a date should a decent requestor present himself. Hey, it could happen, after all I am a rather charming and delightful person to be around! Just ask my friends (ask me which friends you can ask, first)! Of course, after perusing many profiles, I realize that morals and values are not high on everyone’s list of desired traits. The thing is, I am finding there is much more entertainment value in just reading profiles then there is in actually dating (well, okay, I haven’t been on a date in going on three years so I am not sure I remember if they are fun or not, but remember I do have a relationship with my kitchen sink and we have some rather nice meals together)!

What I have learned about today’s single male is that they are looking for someone who: “is beautiful”; “eats and lives a healthy lifestyle”; “has NO BAGGAGE”; “likes to travel”; and “likes to laugh”. Personally I have never met a person who didn’t like to laugh, so I am not sure what the purpose of that statement is. Maybe the men who state this just tell really bad jokes that simply aren’t funny and no woman has had the heart to tell them their jokes stink? YIKES!!! Now, if you are looking for someone who likes to travel, how can you possibly expect them to have “no baggage”?? I mean, come on fellas, how’s a girl supposed to pack all of her boots and other various accessories??? Is it a “healthy lifestyle” to eat over the kitchen sink? (insert pensive look here)…. I am thinking yes because as soon as I am done eating, I can clean the dishes and wash my hands!!! That's healthy!!!

I have been asked many times by both men and women friends why I am still single and the statement “isn’t there a nice single man in your church you can date?” generally follows the question of why am I still single. Since I am not a man of a particular age, I cannot answer for them, but I do know that I am neither desperate nor lonely, so I don’t jump at the first Tom, Rick or Jerry who says, “Hey baby. Here’s my e-mail address. Let’s connect!” As a tired single mom, I have my kids to think about and anyone I bring into my life, I am also bringing into theirs. Even if it’s someone I would not introduce to them for many, many months; the person who comes into my life still has an effect on me and my emotions, which in turn affects my children. What I can honestly answer when people ask me why I remain single is that I haven’t found someone who makes me desire to not be single. Someone who will make me desire to leave the comfort of dinner over the kitchen sink to have quiet conversation over a cloth covered table with dishes that clink when they touch (did I mention that I broke two of my ceramic plates the week of Thanksgiving? Another reason not to bother with “fine” china!)

Matthew 7:7-8 states “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.” Ask, seek and find. If we ask and seek for the things of Heaven, then we will find those things here on earth. I don’t think simply stating the superficial “make him or her beautiful” is what God had in mind here. We are to ask for and seek things that are not of this world in order to find the things that the Father desires for us while we are still in this world. For some of us it’s going to take a lot of asking and seeking before our desires are in line with the desires the Father has for us in order for us to find. We need to let go of the need for someone who “likes to travel” and “has no baggage” in order for God to bless us with someone who loves to transcend the Heavenly realms carrying battle ready armor (God’s Word).

Philippians 4:6-7 states “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” As long as we continue to make our requests known to God, we will find peace, and that peace is what allows us to move through our life situations we may not desire to be in. When we pray about our circumstances and share the desires of our hearts with the Father, He fills our hearts and minds with a peace that cannot come from being partnered with another human being. I am not anxious about being single, or about having my dinners over the kitchen sink because my God in Heaven has promised to “never leave me or forsake me”, which means I have a kitchen sink dinner partner every day for the rest of my life here on Earth, and that partner already thinks I am the most beautiful thing He’s ever seen. He helps me carry my baggage, regardless of how heavy or light it might be and He’s willing to travel with me, or stay home and have another simple, reheated, left-over meal be it at the kitchen table, or over the kitchen sink. His only desire of me is that I communicate with Him and share my thoughts, feelings and deepest desires. It’s a match made in Heaven.

Hebrews 5:7 “During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with fervent cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission.”

Procrastination… I will just wait until later to write this blog!!!

I have put off writing this blog entry for so long that I feel the topic is far more appropriate than what I was originally planning on writing about. I guess I will write that one later. Now that I have carved a pumpkin, listened to some music on YouTube, played on FaceBook, sat in front of the fire for a while, started a load of laundry, meandered around the house for a bit, played a game with my daughter, messed around with the camera, and cleaned out the kitchen sink, I guess I will sit down here and write this.

I can say with all honesty that I was never a big procrastinator in my life BC (Note that AC/BC does not refer to some obscure rock band from the 70’s, but rather historic periods of my life entitled “after children” and “before children”). So, BC - a decade or so ago (not that I am trying to date myself), I did what I said I was going to do at exactly the time I said I was going to do it. Procrastinating was that thing that old, lazy and/or unreliable people did. It would really bug me if someone said they were going to do something and they didn’t get it done (okay, it still bugs me. What can I say?). I couldn’t understand what the big issue was. Why not just do it and get it over with? Now that I am in the period of AC and pretty much tired 110% of the time, I totally get it. God’s sense of humor is not lost on me as He has yet again served me with a dose of “humble pie”. He took the trait that bothers me so much and in His great and glorious sense of wisdom and humor, decided to pour it into me. We learn by what we live, right?

For MOST people, I think the issue of procrastination is not really unreliability, but rather just being tired and juggling too many plates, especially in today’s day and age. We all have so much going on that we pick and choose things that we have to do and everything else gets pushed off (ignored) until later. For some of us (yes, I am raising my hand), later never really comes. I am realizing more and more how often I procrastinate on things now that I have been a single mom for going into my 5th year. Having two kids in elementary school, I find that I am juggling even more than I was before between work, homework and church activities, and I find my level of personal procrastination growing more, and yes I get irritated with myself. Why the irritation? Because by procrastinating, I cause un-needed stress in an already stressed and hectic schedule. I get done only what I NEED to get done in my personal life, and everything else waits until the last minute. Don’t let appearances fool you one bit. If I look like I am all neat and generally prepared, you can be certain that there was panic either the day before or the hour before whatever the event is.

For example, why buy school supplies a month before school starts when I can stress myself out by having to shop the week before school starts? Have you ever been to the store the week before school starts? All those pen and pencil bins are empty! Don't the stores plan for people like me? What about last minute Christmas shopping… a WEEK before Christmas!!! Call me glutton for punishment. (Did I mention how much I hate shopping?) Here’s another perfect example of procrastination run amuck in my personal life. I invited a friend over for dinner a few Friday nights ago. I wanted to cook a nice dinner; something I don’t get to do very often on account of young, picky eaters in the home. Problem – Procrastination on checking for the proper ingredients. I knew what I wanted to make, I just failed to make sure I had all the ingredients until an hour before my friend was scheduled to arrive. Alas, I did not get to cook the item I wanted to make and wound up with something store bought and tasteless. **sigh** Self-inflicted stress and disappointment (and a tummy ache later, too!)!! And let's not even get started on the condition of my house. It was "lived in" before, but sometimes now I wonder if I am not trying to create my own "creature feature". Oh, wait, that wasn't something growing on my bathroom floor, it was actually the cat. **shew** I did, however, just stop writing this blog and reorganize part of a closet. I am not sure if that should be counted as a negative - procrastinating the completion of this blog; or a positive – organizing something that should have been done a year ago (which of course is also procrastination because I should have done it a year ago!!! **sigh**). Is this really how God wants us to live?

God wants us to honor our commitments and to be responsible for the promises we make, not just to those around us and at work, but I believe to ourselves as well. His word states clearly in Matthew 5:33-37, “33"Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not break your oath, but keep the oaths you have made to the Lord.' 34But I tell you, Do not swear at all: either by heaven, for it is God's throne; 35or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. 36And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. 37Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.”

This verse in scripture is very clear “Let your yes be yes and your no be no.” We need to strive to live up to the commitments we make to one another and to ourselves in order to comply with God’s word, not only to those around us, but to ourselves as well. By doing so, we leave a more positive impression on our neighbors and we gain a level of self-respect we didn’t have before.

I know that I am not yet where I need to be on this topic, but God hasn’t given up on me. When I am done writing this blog entry, I am going to procrastinate on folding the laundry and get ready for bed. In fact, I already know that the load of laundry will sit in the basket for several days before it gets put away, but I did dust off my desk yesterday, so it’s a fair trade off and is progress in the right direction.  Besides, God loves me even when I am putting off doing today what I can always do tomorrow (or next week).

Psalm 36:7: “7How priceless is your unfailing love! Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings.”